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How Are Don and I Doing With Our Goals

by Mary Ann on October 22, 2010

Don and I are about six months away from our 40^th anniversary. In June we had out last child move out after 38 years of parenting. Big changes have happened in how we relate to one another, how we spend our time and what the future holds.

I wrote two articles about changes that I wanted to make in order to solidify our relationship and our marriage as we move into the future together. I told you I would let you know how it was going. For all of you who didn’t read those two posts, I wrote about Getting Support From Spouse in Homeschooling and The Five Rules Apply to Everything

I wish I could say that we have done everything we set out to do but I can’t. Just like any real life planning, some will move along smoothly, some gets a slow start, and some just hasn’t happened yet. That’s how real life is. Of course there are ways to insure that eventually we reach our goals. But in the meantime we have to be careful to look at life as a process of growing and not become discouraged when everything isn’t perfect.

So how are we doing? Well, I mentioned that in order to get a Mission Statement written “I was going to move Don along slowly.”

I have to admit that I haven’t done my part. I haven’t called our 15 minute meeting that we agreed upon, not even once. I am recommitting myself to this because I know that it matters and it will help our “Golden Years” be truly golden.

Now for the walking and reading! When I wrote about that I reminded myself and you how important the five rules would be in our success. We haven’t scheduled time for the walking and there is where the rubber truly meets the road. Consequently our walking is sporadic at best. That is on the agenda for our first 15 minute meeting, which will be this Sunday! Really!! : )

As for the reading we are doing an AMAZING JOB! We read our scriptures and another good book almost every evening. We love the time together.

It hasn’t been perfect but then things rarely are. When we read one chapter of our scriptures and then one chapter of our current book [we just finished As A Man Thinketh by James Allen and started Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell] it may take only 15 minutes. The other day I was soooooooooo tempted to tell my husband that we needed to designate an hour for our reading time. Then I remembered rule four of the Five rules of engagement – Keep it simple. In this case it translates to “don’t overload your schedule and don’t push your husband farther or faster than he can go!”

When we are reading we sometimes have to remind ourselves to be present. At 9:00pm we usually tear ourselves away from our computers and work. Our minds don’t always want to make the shift from work to relaxing and learning together. Last night I could tell Don was struggling with that because instead of reclining on the bed like usual he was sitting in a chair and at one point said, “Did you start another chapter?” He hung tough though and stayed with me to the end. Good man!

In anything that you want to go well utilize the Five Rules of Engagement. Schedule time for it and then be consistent in honoring the time. Be Present. Make it special; come with a cup of herb tea or coco. Don’t overload the time. Keep it simple. Plan ahead so things don’t interfere. If we don’t plan we will always defer to what seems the most immediate in importance. Put on a smile. Enjoy.

Now that I have reminded myself of what will help Don and I be more successful in crafting the next few years of our lives alone I am excited. I can visualize quiet evenings, warm conversations, stimulating new thoughts and hands held. I look forward to this new time, this “empty nest” time and being with the person I love best. I know that as we keep the Five Rules, have real intent to succeed and are consistent in our efforts we will succeed. You can too, in whatever you want to implement in your family. You can do this!!

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Staying focused on goals and commitments

by Mary Ann on October 21, 2010

You cannot cross over into the world of magic until you put everything else aside and behind you-including your own desires and needs-and focus on bringing an experience to the audience. This is magic. Tribes: We Need You To Lead Us by Seth Godin p. 121

I loved this quote when I read it in a book on leadership. Although the author is talking about leading groups of people, I think it has perfect application to families and the use of the Closet.

The Shumway's

You cannot create a magical learning space where your children will love to learn until you put everything else aside and behind you-including your own desires and needs-and focus on bringing an experience to your children.

I am NOT saying that we can just clear out our lives and only think about our kid’s education. What I am saying is that setting aside a committed structured time for learning can really create magic for your children.

I had a friend named Paula. She really wanted to be a writer. She had skill and she had done her homework. She knew what publishers were looking for.

Paula had seven children. She was a busy mom with many leadership roles in the community and her church. She tried to find time to write but it was hard. Over the years she submitted a number of manuscripts but only had a few published.

One day she made a commitment to herself. She decided that she was going to write for a certain amount of time every day of the week. It wasn’t easy. People would call and ask her to attend this meeting or that or help in some other way. She would respond, “I am working at that time.” She would then hear, “Gee I didn’t know you were working. When did you get a job?” “Well I actually write at home.” Then she would hear the inevitable, “Oh I know you write at home but couldn’t you just take a bit of time and do this, you can write later. It’s just this one time.”

Paula had to say no over an over again. Sometimes she had to say no to her children or her husband.

When her focus changed, when she saw herself as a writer, when she made a commitment and structured time to write, magic happened. Paula has had many articles published over the last 20 years in a number of magazines including the Friend. What changed was her focus. I love this principle, “what we focus on we get more of!”

That’s why the first rule of the Five Rules of Engagement is so powerful. It reminds us that when we have something of great import that we want to accomplish we are going to have to structure time for it, be consistent, and focus.

When you make a commitment and structure time to inspire your children, when you make time to listen for sparks and then open doors to learning, when you see yourself enjoying learning with your children, when you leave your own needs, desires and distractions behind for a period of time, then you will be able to bring an experience to your family that will be magic!

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Do first things first-the formula for “winning families”

by Mary Ann on October 20, 2010

Joy

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~Lao Tzu

I have had opportunities to teach small children in church. Once I had a co-teacher who had not had many opportunities to teach. She was really excited about the prospect. When it was her time to teach she had made the most adorable handouts. They were so colorful, perfectly hand lettered, really keepers. Then she began to teach. I could tell that she wasn’t prepared and the children knew it to. Later as we talked it over she admitted, “I didn’t really get to it. I was so busy making the handouts.”

Clowning around being prairie dogs

This story reminds me of a principle that we really need to know to be successful in our families; do the essentials first. Take an inventory of all the activities you are doing and select the most important things. In other words, stop with the busy work. Really!

I know, I know, I have written three posts in a row about looking at our schedules and purging them. But really, this is such an issue for modern families. There is so much good out there. It’s so hard to decide what the BEST is.

When we can’t find time to eat a meal together, when mothers spend great amounts of time in their cars chauffeuring, when we are so exhausted we can’t have a familiar conversation with a child, when we aren’t doing the things we know will create a GREAT family culture then we are too busy. We are in the thick of thin things.

Aftermath of the silly string war!

It is valuable to really take some time and consider how you spend your days. Make sure that what you put in your schedule is worthy of your family and your time. Make sure that it adds to the family culture you are trying to create. Do not run faster than you have strength!

Get rid of business. Delegate, say no, and bravely make changes.

“Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.” ~Jane Austen

Enjoying our own company

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Give away unwanted stuff this autumn-a home management tip

by Mary Ann on October 19, 2010

Get Rid of ‘Stuff’ – Another Fall Job

‘Stuff’ used to really matter to me because I grew up the oldest of nine and that meant that resources limited. Our home was comfortable but lacked much elegant ‘stuff’.

Well, I grew up, married, stayed home and had seven children. I have to say despite our lack of ‘elegant stuff’ we seemed to collect plenty of other ‘stuff’.

When we moved from Montana to Utah we had collected ‘stuff’ for the 24 years we had lived there. I decided I wasn’t moving all that ‘stuff’.

We had a huge garage sale. I sold the ‘stuff’ cheap. When people asked why I said, “To you it’s a treasure; to me it’s ‘stuff’

Here is what we discovered after we moved. We didn’t miss that ‘stuff’.

I found a wonderful quote on a family blog that I want to share with you.

“ …We invest a great deal in the acquisition of stuff. Companies bombard us with slick, relentless propaganda as to why we must have their stuff, and we judge an individual’s
success by their stuff’s sheer quantity and supposed quality. I like stuff—I especially like the word stuff. But consumption never was creativity. It brings few lasting satisfactions and can bring burdensome debts. Stuff beyond our basic needs does not liberate. Consider the overall investment of your time. You have to shop for stuff. You have to clean, maintain, and organize stuff. You lose stuff. You look for stuff. You polish stuff, secure it against theft, trip over it, recharge it, upgrade it, accessorize it, pack it, move it, unpack it, insure it, fix it, and eventually sell, trash, or bequeath it. Stuff has no use beyond this life, and it takes a lot from us.” -Shawn Miller

If you are having a hard time keeping your home clean you probably have too much ‘stuff’. If your dishes are always piled up you probably have too many dishes. If your kid’s rooms are a disaster they probably have too many toys, too many gadgets, and too many clothes. If your Spark Station is a disaster then I’ll bet you have too much ‘stuff’ in it. If your family can’t find an hour to spend together I’m sure you have too much ‘stuff’ on your calendar.

I have a very wealthy friend. She could buy just about anything. Her home is lovely, not cluttered. There isn’t a plethora of ‘stuff’. She gave me a perfectly beautiful blouse one day and I asked her why she was giving it away. She replied, “I have a rule, if I buy something new I have to give something away.” Wow, really wise woman!

In the last post I talked about a home schooling principle for this fall to free yourself. This is another way to free yourself and the perfect time. Get rid of lots of your ‘stuff’. Remember “Precious Autumn demonstrated graceful change to me today. To change…..and release…..with grace.”