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Advantages of tuning in to your kids

by Mary Ann on November 17, 2010

Tannin & Ash with their puppets

Let’s continue our conversation about the advantages of being present.

4. Being present helps you focus on special projects and learning

Your children want you to be there if they need help with a project and they want you to applaud their efforts when they are done. But don’t help too soon or two much. Tannin is 10 and Ash is eight. One day their mom put a book on puppet making in the Closet. Tannin is a project girl. She loves projects. There was also a sewing box of odds and ends, material, yarn, buttons and so forth. Tannin decided to make a puppet after reading the book. She took an old sock and created Goldilocks. She didn’t ask for any help. She figured everything out by herself, including looped hair.

Ash wanted to make a puppet also. He watched his sister and then copied what she did. He wanted to make Superman. He didn’t ask for any help until he got to the eyes. He didn’t know how to sew on a button. So he asked his mom and she showed him how to do it on one eye. He did the other eye himself. Then he asked for some ideas on how he could make a cape and attach it to the puppet. His mom gave him some ideas and then he decided what to do and did it. They were both very proud of their puppets.

5. Being present helps you know what your children are interested in.

It’s important to respond to every opportunity to follow up on your children’s budding interests. Being present gives you time to hear them talk about what they are interested in. If you are listening you will get lots of ideas for inspiring content for your Closet.

Learning Chess

6. Being present allows you to engage in familiar conversations

I love this quote by George Turnbull: “By familiar conversation, children’s curiosity may be roused much more effectually, and by it they may be taught a great deal more in a little time, than can possibly be done in the austere magisterial way of calling them to a lecture.” George Turnbull, 1742

In short, a spontaneous conversation between parent and child teaches more than the best lecture.

Have “familiar” conversations

7. Being present applies to life.

If something is a principle it always applies in life. When you talk with a friend on the phone do you send email at the same time? When you are listening to what a child is trying to tell you do you look at them or do you just keep working and say mmmm occasionally. When your wife is talking with you are you replaying a situation from work in your mind? It’s a bit like eating meat without salt, something important is missing and the experience is bland. People know when you are present and when you aren’t, especially children.

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Benefits of being present with your kids

by Mary Ann on November 16, 2010

Dressing up for history

Hi Mary Ann,

I have really been enjoying your webinar series. It has prompted me to make changes that have really improved our family’s home school experience. The biggest difference has been when I am “present” and give them my focused attention during school time. It has also been helpful to be reminded that I should follow their lead and not get too hung up on the plans that I had for an activity. My daughter decided while we were studying Egypt that she wanted to make costumes. So we set aside what I had planned and just did it. It turned out to be a great and memorable day. Thank you for taking time to share your passion and inspiration with us.

Jodi Floyd

Being present is one of the hardest thing for parents. What does it mean to be present? It means to be engaged heart, mind and soul. It means you aren’t washing dishes, folding laundry, or talking on the phone, you are engaging with your children.

There are a number of reasons for and benefits to being present.

1. Gives you the opportunity to play, instruct, and share with your children

Tannin, who is ten said “I like structured time it gives us a chance to do fun stuff together. We learn stuff together, that is what I like most. We used to find our own things and just do it ourselves. This is an opportunity to do it together.”

2. When you are present you can model what you want

Although you will rarely get to read it you should show up for family learning time prepared to learn, with a book or writing materials. It is important for your children to know that you value learning, that it excites you. Don’t be afraid to share your aha’s with your children. Have familiar conversations with them. “Do you know what I read last night….. I never knew that…… I really like this book because….. Make your comments age appropriate. If your children respond continue the conversation. If not let it go. You can even do this with very small children.

Eventually you want you child to read, discuss, think, and then write. Begin giving them experience with that process from the earliest age by modeling what you want and by engaging in familiar conversations.

3. Being present helps with Spark Station management and order

When you are working with children it helps to be there. It is helpful to them to be reminded to put one thing away before getting another out. It is helpful to them to have help using paint, chemicals, water, glue and so forth. It is helpful to them when you help them negotiate the contents of The Spark Station. No one likes to engage in chaos. We all do better in an orderly space.

Children are not miniature adults. They will not behave in adult ways. They do not think like adults. We often forget that. I know this is true when I hear phrases like, “Didn’t you think about that? What were you thinking? You can see that, right?” The truth is that they often don’t see what we see. Children don’t make messes because they are naughty. They happen because children are young and inexperienced; they forget about things, don’t see the importance of things and get excited. You help them and yourself if you just stay present. You aren’t there to micro manage and make sure everything stays neat as a pin but you are there to make sure your children are safe, your furniture is safe, and that you don’t have a Spark Station, jumbled to use.

Check out Advantages of timing in with your kids for benefits 4 through 6.

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How to make learning exciting with dress up games

by Mary Ann on November 13, 2010

Ashley, age 6

There is a mother who has a number of children. The thing they like to do the most is play dress up games; they want to do it every day, even the boys. It was worrying her. Should she really let them play dress up games during structured learning time?

Dressing up

I suggested that she tie the dressing up to whatever she wants to inspire them with. If they are talking about the kings and queens of history why, they can dress up while they do history lessons. If they are learning about Lewis and Clark then they might as well be the party crossing the Rocky Mountains. If they are learning about Madame Currie then they can be her as they learn. They can role play whatever it is they are learning. It would be fun and interesting and exciting, not to mention memorable.

Squares of material make costumes and tents

You don’t really need “play clothes” for this. A largish box of large fabric squares will do nicely and leave everything to the imagination.

I had another idea for her too. “If you have reading time during your structured learning time, that is the perfect time to let them dress up. Use your box of squares. If you are reading a fiction book stop in the chapter somewhere and let them act out that part. You could do this once or twice every day. It will lengthen your reading time or have you reading less each day but your children will love it.”

You know we should follow a child’s lead when we want to inspire them. Their “sparks” tell you just where their interest lies,and this helps us to encourage children to learn. When we are speaking of children ages 0 to about 12 we are talking about the age of exploration with all subjects. They just want to physically and mentally experiment with everything. They really do.

Princess dress up

Well this mom found a way to incorporate their desire to engage their imaginations with what they were doing in their structured learning time. Here is her delightful experience.

“Thank you Mary Ann!

I tried this today. We are reading Wizard of Oz. Of course they all wanted to be Dorothy, but eventually they settled on at least one scarecrow. One of the Dorothy’s wanted to have a Greek style costume, so she made up a side story to go with that. Thanks for a great idea – it will be fun to use for future reading, too!”

Sarah

Play and learn; that is how children do it. Don’t be afraid to mix their play with your inspiration. The results can be magical.

Ruby slippers, The Wizard of Oz

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Example of learning style in children – The Spencer Sparks

by Mary Ann on November 11, 2010

Little spencers playing in water

The Spencer “Sparks”

WOW!!! I am going to share a fabulous and fun letter that I received. I haven’t changed a word. You can tell that the writer was excited as she wrote and couldn’t get the words on paper fast enough. You are gonna LOVE this!

I have been meaning to email you about some spark type fun [ encouraging children to learn ] we have been having since JUNE! I had been beginning to use The Spark Station this summer, getting familiar with the concepts of sparks, taking your webinars, learning about engaging with the kids, and of course learning to ‘let go’ when the kids began making a mess and not using things in the “right way’. We had such a perfect example of this and every week I have just been in awe at how much this spark affected all of us so much!

It began with simply digging around the boulders in my front yard – I was getting the area ready to plant dahlia’s in June. We went on vacation and I didn’t have time to plant – so I left the area dug up for a few weeks. Well – when you have a house full of boys, leaving dirt unaccompanied is like a blinking neon sign to them. These boys quickly discovered the joy of this little area as they lovingly named it the “water game”.

They used hoses to create waterfalls and floods at first – learning concepts of water pressure, erosion and such. It seemed harmless (other than a little bit of mud on their bums). This quickly transformed into a 4 hour + a day adventure. They would beg to go to the water game each afternoon. Every day was a new creation. Every time we learned something new during Structured learning time, it would quickly transform and be reenacted somehow in the “water game”.

Trying out hieroglyphics

Army men began to make camp there, asteroids were making impact craters, there was infrastructure being built (including a monetary system, lashing of boats and TP’s, houses built (and of course demolished by whatever natural disaster we had read about that week), there were temples built, there were wars between ‘God’s army and Satan’s army’, finding and playing with all manner of wildlife, gladiator type arenas built for huge male wolf spider fights!, the hole transformed into wet season and dry season, it became the Kennecott copper mine at one point (where excavation was imitated just like at the mine). They brought out paint and did volcanoes and hieroglyphics, they tried to dig to the inner core of the earth….there were so many amazingly fun learning opportunities that I can’t even begin to remember them (let alone list them all).

Learning about insects

The biggest thing was ME. I let go of my preconceived notions of having to keep the yard looking nice, I let the boys just have at it. It is (and continues to be) some of the most valuable lessons and time we had all summer. Neighbors would comment with delight after watching these boys “go to work” every day (and not playing video games all day) – even though my neighbors could have complained at the sheer disaster my yard turned into. The boys were a real inspiration to a lot of people and other kids.

Learning about snakes

I am so grateful for the shift in my thought process [ Parenting education article ] (mostly through your tutoring Mary Ann) – or I would have missed out on an incredibly magical learning summer (and fall). Now I have a hole so deep that they can stand in to their chests (apparently against Osha regulations). The crater in my yard will only last a few months, whereas the memories and the sheer exploration that came from that will last forever. Many of the sparks are still going strong that started from a simple muddy area and a hose. This is love of learning at its best!

Love,
Leah Spencer

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