Family Reading Time

by Mary Ann on May 15, 2010

I think family reading time is just the best. I am an avid reader and I liked reading to my children. I never thought of myself as consistent in any way and so I didn’t think my children really remembered me reading to them much. However, my 33 year old mentioned recently how wonderful it was, the way I read to them all the time. Amazing!

I really didn’t read to them all the time. I did sometimes but see how powerful what I did do was. She remembered whatever was offered in such a positive light, as if it was a tradition in our home. I think that is because there is nothing so comforting as to gather your family together, snuggling up on the couch, some in piles on the floor, and listen to mom or dad read. It just feels cozy and comfortable.

I always anticipated being a grandparent and one of the things that I thought about was reading to my grandchildren. It never happened often. They liked playing out with friends and I would get busy and then it would be bedtime and they would be cranky and their mom wanted them in bed!

A couple of years ago I decided to take the bull by the horns. After all I had dreamed about snuggling up with my grandkids and reading to them for a long time and it wasn’t happening. I wanted it to. So I made a plan. This was before I had thought much about The Spark Station or had read Diann Jeppsons great piece on Family reading in Thomas Jefferson Education: A Home Companion pp. 41-52

I made sure that I had some quiet activities to keep their hands busy and then I gathered them together in the bed room where they slept when they came to stay. I settled them down, each on a bed (which was made on the floor) and I read. It was a book of one page stories about memories of grandmothers. I wasn’t impressed with the book. I thought that it might be a bit boring and a little above their heads. I couldn’t choose a classic with chapters because I only had them for a few days. That was the best I could do on a short time frame.

The whole experiment turned out pretty well. I had to explain a couple of times that this was a quiet time, that the activity had to be quiet, but all in all it was fun. We read a half dozen one page stories. I noticed that that night that they went off to sleep with less noise and quarreling than usual.

When they came the next time I had picked a couple of books that I thought were more interesting and lively. Guess what? My 10 year old granddaughter insisted that we read from the book we used our first time. I believe it was because I was present with them. We were doing something planned and structured, it showed I cared and enjoyed being with them; that book held the memory of that first reading experience. They request it every time. So we always have to read at least one story from its pages.

Children want our presence, they want structured time, they want to learn and feel a sense of family. We can give that to them in so many ways and it really helps to creating the soft, gentle, warm family culture that we all dream about. We may not have warm fuzzies every day but we can have them consistently enough that even a 33 year old will remember them fondly.

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Daily Success

by Mary Ann on May 15, 2010

Kate, the 20 year old

I was reading some of my blogs to my twenty year old daughter. I like to run them by my friends because I know they will tell me if they don’t make sense. She made a comment here and there and I appreciated her attention and focus on what is important to me. When I was done reading I asked her what she thought. “They’re good mom. I really like reading them. Its candy writing; it’s tasty and enjoyable to read.” What a great thing for her to say. That is exactly what I try to do here.

I want creating a Spark Station to be enjoyable. I want staying present with your children to be delicious. I want your family culture to be cozy, warm and inviting and for your educational space to be inspiring. I want you to have small daily successes that keep you going. I want you to find a way to be patient with your efforts and those of your children. “I want you to come here because it feels good to learn how to make wonderful changes happen, and then actually see the transformation in your own home. That’s sweet indeed.”

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The Power of Positive

by Mary Ann on May 15, 2010

Andrew, the gardener

Have any of you ever been discouraged about your Spark Station, your home school, finances, relationships, or the direction your child is going? I am sure that you have and so have I. Today I had the most remarkable experience that I can’t wait to share with you.

This blog is about life and families and education, miracles and magic. What I want to share today is about all of those.

I have a son that I love with all of my heart. I know that he loves me dearly too, however, we don’t talk. I mean that, we don’t talk. I call him and I ask questions and he answers with yes and no and eventually I run out of questions and we say good bye.

For a couple of years I have been on a quest to learn more about receiving good into my life. I grew up believing that everything was hard work and a struggle. As I neared my 60th year I said “Man, I am tired. There has to be a way to have what I need without so many struggles.” So I have been on a quest. I have read books, scriptures, listened to dozens of webinars and talked with and listened to other people. It has been an illuminating few years.

At the beginning of the year I made a list of things that I want in my life. They aren’t things in a physical sense but things in a quality of life sense. For them to happen would be miracles. Because of what I have learned I wrote them down and every now and then I read over them and I pray about them, waiting for opportunities.

Recently I heard and then met a remarkable woman, Leslie Householder. She wrote the best selling book “The Jack Rabbit Factor” and “Portal to Genius”. Well, I read her book, looked at her 19 Principles of Success and watched the Stickman Video. I started to get it. I can see that success is possible and life doesn’t have to be a constant struggle and so hard. There is work, which is a universal principle, but struggle, that is a choice.

I was so impressed with what I learned that I sent the link for the information to all of my children. I wanted them to have liberation of mind and be expanded in their thinking. My son Andrew, the one I referenced at the beginning of this blog, lost his job some months ago. He has been a bit down. It was a job that he had given his heart and soul to and had gotten very little back. Every time we would have our stilted conversations I would ask him if he had read the book and looked at the information. I have to admit I nagged just a bit!

Today my son called me. He talked with me for about 40 minutes. I ran out of things to say and I kept expecting the call to end but my son wanted to talk with me, he wanted to share what he was learning and he wanted to tell me thanks. He is a very quiet man and not very demonstrative but I could hear that he was really happy and excited and grateful. He wanted me to know that he was glad I had nagged!

He has read the book. He has been practicing the 19 principles of success and they are working for him. His car has been broken down for a number of months. After reading the book he set the goal to get his car fixed. Within a few days he got two calls with offers of help and less expensive parts that he needed, to do the repairs.

There is a reason that I am bringing this up. It does relate to your home school and to your Spark Station and your family culture and relationships and work. It relates to every good thing that you want in life. How we think and feel and talk really does make a difference in the outcome!! That is what I learned from Leslie Householder and it is what Andrew learned. Sometimes, in order to have what we want we have to change how we think about it, we have to alter our mind chatter, we have to be grateful for what is and then look for more.

Let me end with a fabulous example of what I mean. Andrew is an avid gardener. He has a very small yard which he tends with loving care. Last year he planted sunflowers which the snails promptly ate. He planted them again this year. To ward off the snails he put pans of beer in the garden. Last night there was a very big storm. He was sitting in the living room worrying about his 1″ high sunflower seedlings. He had this thought, “Last year the snails got them and this year it’s the storm”. Then he caught himself and remembered the success principles. He changed his mind chatter to this, “It isn’t morning yet and so I am not going to sit here and worry about what hasn’t happened. They will be just fine.” When he went out to check on the seedlings this morning he told me that not only were they just fine, in fact, there seemed to be twice as many sprouts and the garden was filled with very happy, drunken snails!

I can tell you that one of the miracles that I wrote down and have been praying about is coming to pass; my son and I are talking again. I hope all of you will take the time to go to Leslie’s website and download a free copy of her book “The Jack Rabbit Factor” and watch the “Stickman” video. It just may help you to bring your hoped for miracles to pass!

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Is What We Do Enough?

by Mary Ann on May 14, 2010

I have a really fabulous mentor/coach. Mentoring is one of the keys of a great education and so I have mentors and coaches. This particular mentor is also a dear friend. I love talking with her, although I do not love all of our conversations. Some are painful and emotional. We had one of those today.

I am sharing it with all of you because it is the same conversation that I have with many moms and dads that I coach.What I hadn’t connected was that I, just like them, suffer from the same malady – it is never enough and because of that I am not free to make a place in my life for the things that fill me up, without feeling guilt and pain.

It’s a sorry admission I know. We always think that those we mentor with must in some way be so much better than we are. In truth, a good mentor is usually just a step or two ahead of us-which is why they can be our mentor.

In order to be really productive and have space for all the families that I work with and the book I am writing, grandkids and seven children, as well as church and a new business, I account to my mentor daily on what I got accomplished and what may have blocked me from getting the really important things done. This process has worked wonders for me. Yet, I end by saying things like, “I did waste three hours today, resting, eating lunch and leisurely fixing dinner. Sometimes I just feel so lazy!”

In fact here is the last email that I sent to her. “I did my morning routine, read for an hour and went to work till 12:00. Came home and cooked dinner, then ate lunch (I read while I ate) and rested an hour. I read 5 chapters and took notes on the Jack Rabbit Factor. I called my business mentor and have a phone meeting set for tomorrow. I wrote 3 blogs, ate dinner with Don and had a discussion about business. I got all the A items on my daily list done but one. I also took nap for 45 minutes. I didn’t get any B’s or C’s on the list done.”

“I rested too much today but I was tired. I stay up too late. I always feel like I should do more but I am not willing to push like I used to. I have ambivalent feelings because I am making a healthy life change but am still tied to the old way of being. Sigh. It is ok though because I really don’t want to push all the time. Sometimes I WANT a nap.”

Does that conversation ring a bell with any of you? I’ll bet that it does. Can you believe that I could think of myself as lazy or falling short in some way with a day like I just described. It is a crazy thing!! The fact is that I work a lot and I get a great many things done. I serve others, help my family, run a business, and spend time with God, and study, study, study. What I don’t do is allow myself to incorporate the things that fill me up without feeling a twinge of quilt.

What I have consistently failed to recognize is that these things that I love to do are just another part of having a life of fulfillment.That is the life that we constantly think we are going to have soon or someday when we get everything else taken care of. That is never going to happen. There will always be work to be done, children to care for, husbands to do something for, church assignments, things at work, a neighbor to comfort and the list goes on.

Whenever I say that I just don’t have time for a long bath or to sit at the table and eat lunch or share a sunset on the balcony with my husband and daughter what I am actually doing is running away from that thing inside that tells me that I am not worthy of it, haven’t done enough to deserve it… you add your line because we all have one.

It is very important to start thinking about life as a whole and not in compartments. I can have hot coco in front of the fire because it is part of a good day, just like finishing an article or publishing a blog or serving my neighbor or cleaning the bathroom are part of a good and successful day. The things that bring us joy shouldn’t be saved for when we have done enough but should be part of every day. I am making a firmer commitment to that very thing. Sometimes we just need to change our intent.

This is an important topic for all of us to consider. What do we want to model for our children and grandchildren. How do we want their lives to run? Don’t we want them to breath, don’t we want them to rest, don’t we want them to enjoy. Of course we do. But if all they see is that “it’s never enough” then we cannot pass anything else on to them.

Parents are mentors. We are the example for our children to follow. We are the leaders they know best. We are who they will most likely pattern after.

I work with a mom who can’t enjoy even one minute of her home schooling day with her children. She misses so much of the joy of watching them explore and learn. That is because she is so focused on what isn’t right, what isn’t in her Spark Station, who isn’t reading yet, what field trip they haven’t taken. She feels constantly overwhelmed and anxious because no matter what she does it isn’t enough. There is no time in her day for pleasure, joy, rest, or some thought.

I have another mom who never could even get a Spark Station started because she just couldn’t find the time to “do it right.” So it never got done. Years went by and she always intended to find the time but life is life and if we wait for perfect or when enough is done we wait forever. Listen to what another mother said after attending one of my classes.

“Your class was wonderful! I loved it. In fact, I used our “Spark Station” today for the first time in our home school. I have always been waiting for that perfect day in a perfect world when I had the perfect Spark Station….which day was not coming anytime soon! After going to your class, I threw together some fun things in some clear Tupperware containers, and voila! our temporary closet. How liberating! It was wonderful! We had a great school day together. Thank you so much!

Let’s liberate ourselves. Let’s stop being victims to “it’s just not enough”. Let’s let each day be enough. Let’s let our kids, just the way they are, be enough. Let’s let our Spark Station be enough. Let’s allow every day to contain some work, some rest, and a good measure of joy!

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