Stress management and techniques to happiness

by Mary Ann on December 1, 2010

grandfather laughing picture

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each  morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved  perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After  many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled  sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description  of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.  I love it,’ he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just  been presented with a new puppy.

Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.’

‘That doesn’t have anything to do with it,’ he replied.

Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.

Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged … it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.  ‘It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away… Just for this time in my life.
happiness picture

I really enjoyed reading this short story because it highlights a important law of success – it happens in our minds first.

The truth is that happiness is an attitude. It’s not something created by outside circumstances, but instead is completely within our control.

The other day Don did something that really ruffled my feathers! I felt the anger well up and the inner pout come on. As I stood at the sink I realized that I had a choice to make. I could be angry and let Don know it or I could flush what was bothering me and just be happy.

I decided to let it go and just be happy.

Gee, it wasn’t easy. That negative emotion just wanted to run around and around in my brain replaying whatever it was that was upsetting me. So I had to find a way to shove it out for good. I choose to be grateful. I began thinking up a list in my mind of all the things that I like about Don, all the fun and pleasant memories that I have of the two of us. Guess what, the negative feeling dissipated and I felt happy.

As we parent our families there is plenty to stress us. Children aren’t perfect, we aren’t perfect, systems and tools don’t always work the way we want them to, sad things happen, bad things happen, relationships can turn bumpy, our family culture is often a poignant mirror of all the work we need to do.

Despite all this we can choose to be happy. Here are a few techniques to help you get happy when you’re tempted to be something else,or in other words,the happiness laws.

1. Be grateful – This tops my list. It works every time. When I am feeling really put out or downtrodden, if I begin thinking about all the wonderful parts of my life I just can’t help but perk right up.

2. Take care of yourself – What are some of the small things in life that make you feel good? Do one daily. Take a short walk, write for a few minutes in your journal, have a short meditation, watch the sunset, hug a child. For me, it is a hot shower just before bed every day. I love it! Whatever reminds you that you are a human being and not a human doing will improve your outlook on life.

3. Be creative – Creativity and self-expression generate happiness. Schedule some creative time each day, even if it’s just a few minutes of writing, painting, baking or sewing.

4. Move – Move a little every day to stay happy. It releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone.

5. Read inspirational material – It helps to be reminded of positive thoughts and positive attitudes. Read in your spiritual cannon or get a small book of positive, inspirational thoughts and keep it by your desk. Read one or two thoughts each day.

7. Contribute – Serve others. Think about the needs of others. Make a difference. It boosts your self-esteem, your gratitude and feeling of well being.

8. Be in nature – Nature rejuvenates and restores the human spirit. Give yourself the gift of visiting it frequently. Take the kids to the park! : )

No matter how many wonderful things you do to create a positive, happy, satisfied life, you could still end up in unhappy stressed situations. Ultimately, happiness, gratitude, and a feeling of satisfaction is a choice.

Remember that it is a principle that what you focus on you get more of so focus on feeling and being happy. It is a gift that you give to yourself and your family.happy family picture

Possibly Related Posts:


{ 2 comments }

Expressing gratitude

by Mary Ann on November 24, 2010

expressing gratitude picture

When I had seven children I had a green car that the kids dubbed “The Turbo Pickle”. It had a number of dents. It was pretty old. When we drove around a corner someone had to hold the door or it would fly open. My teenagers made me let them out a block from school. I felt real joy in owning that car. It was such a blessing to us and my life felt very abundant because we had it. I like to think that at that time in my life I lived the words of Frank A. Clark. “If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.”

I was able to feel this abundance because I had gone on a quest to find prosperity. I had read about it in the scriptures and I understood that it was a gift of the heart, not a manifestation that came from outward circumstances. I had prayed for that gift and I had received it. It made some very lean years feel abundant and comfortable.

Some things are an inside job – prosperity, happiness, peace and gratitude, to name a few. They happen in the heart and are not ruled by what happens in life; these gifts of the heart make life wonderful and worth living. We have to want them and then we have to ask for them. If we do and we are sincere, this magnificent change of heart does come and we see with new eyes.

Lately, I have been seeking a greater sense of gratitude. I have been asking for this gift of the heart and I have been reading and practicing expressing gratitude. I want gratitude to be a more natural part of who I am.

Recently I read about two women who have emailed each other almost every morning for a few years to tell one another three things they are grateful for. One commented that it really set the tone for the day. I liked that idea a lot.

I decided to find at least one other person who wanted the support of an attitude of gratitude in their effort to move forward in life. Then I determined to start a new, personal tradition with them, of expressing gratitude every day first thing in the morning.

Gratitude dispels fear. It can lessen sorrow, worry, depression, anger, and loss. I think that this quote is really true, “There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed.  If it is unexpressed, it is plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.”  Robert Brault

thank you picture

1. I am immeasurably grateful for the many families who are working with me on the pilot program. These new friendships are a blessing to me.

2. I am grateful for seven remarkable children who grew into amazing adults despite the inadequacies of their parents.

3. I am grateful for a mission in life and for the challenges that it brings to me. Because of them I am growing.

I won’t be writing again until Monday. I am taking the remainder of the week to visit, bake, eat and rest. I hope you can do the same. Happy Thanksgiving.

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  ~H.U. Westermayer
pilgrims thanks giving picture

Possibly Related Posts:


{ 1 comment }

How to organize a kids messy Spark Station

by Mary Ann on November 20, 2010

children reading picture
Rule 4  Keep it simple. When you add an item remove an item

When I talk with parents about their use of a learning space of any kind one thing that repeatedly pops up is the difficulty in keeping order. Boy, I sure know about that. Although I had no name for it I have used a system like The Spark Station on and off for almost forty years. Sometimes it was just wonderful and other times it was such a mess that I just wanted to throw it all out. Looking back I began to wonder what caused the mess and chaos and how could a space be kept fairly manageable all the time so that it is usable for children.

father kids playing  pictures

We  touched this when we learned about Rule 2, being present. When a parent is present they can help maintain order. However, children aren’t usually the culprits when The Spark Station is a mess. The parents are. Chaos happens when The Spark Station is too full, when we have too much stuff. I want you to remember that inspiring children isn’t about quantity; it is all about the quality of our interaction and relationships with them. That being said lets look at some specifics of rule four.

You are free to fill your Spark Station in a way that leaves everything visible and easy to reach and put away; when you have reached that point STOP. After that, if you add a new item you need to remove an item. Look at the contents. Is there any item that hasn’t been used for a while? If so remove it. You can put it back into general circulation in your children’s playroom for everyone to use or you can store it away in a box to be used again later.

Family reading together pictures

You will find it interesting that when an item is placed in The Spark Station it takes on a new vitality for children, regardless of how long the item has been around. So you can put things in, take them out and put them in again. Take books on your own library shelves for example. There are books that probably rarely get read. When you put them in The Spark Station your children will most likely read them or want you to read them. After a week or so take one or two out and replace them with one or two more.

Sometimes you’ll put some really great materials in The Spark Station that you just know your kids are going to love, and then they don’tmessy closet picture love it, they don’t even ask about it. That is OK. Get your ego out of the way. Just take it out after a week or two and save it for another time.

You want to make sure that you do not overload your Spark Station. No one will engage in chaos.

It is helpful to reevaluate the contents of your Spark Station on a regular basis, about every 6 months. Are there any toys that your smaller children have outgrown? Are there games that are not being used, curriculum that is completed, odds and ends that are taking up space, cool stuff like sewing supplies or leather working supplies that have just lost their luster for your kids? Then purge them; take them out and replace them. Nothing in The Spark Station is permanent. It is a constantly changing space. Don’t think that you can fill it all up and then leave it static for months. It just doesn’t work that way.

I recently purged my Spark Station. I took practically everything out. There is hardly anything left, in fact. There are the materials and books on rocks that my grandchildren have been studying. There are some craft supplies that are new and deal with the upcoming holiday. I left the magnets in because the children are still very interested in them. When they are here next I will add some information, books and supplies for the Lewis and Clark Expedition which we have been talking about. Remember keep it simple, colorful, and interesting.

Keeping it simple applies to life. All of our lives would work far better if when our schedule was full we would just STOP. Then if we added something new we took something out. How does your current schedule look? Do you and your children spend all day in the car moving from one commitment to another? Are you so busy serving in the community or church or your work that your family gets the leftovers of your time. Is their time for play, rest, just sitting and thinking for every member of the family? Is their time to be home as a family modeling your core values, showing your children how to work, love and have joy? Have you made the tough choices between what is good and what is best for you and your family?

Let’s review keeping it simple –baby playing with toys pictures

 

1. Don’t over fill your Spark Station

2. Revaluate the contents regularly

3. Have a six month purge

4. Don’t rely on Spark Station content. There is no substitute for being  present and having a good relationship with your child. I highly recommend that you visit leadershipeducationfamilybuilder.com and listen to their free class called Relationship: Job 1.

Possibly Related Posts:


{ 0 comments }

The Pilot is full!!

by Mary Ann on November 17, 2010

WOW!!!

Dear Readers,

WOW! The response to The Spark Station Mastery pilot program has been tremendous. I am gratified to have so many families participating. I had planned on 50 families and we have gone over 70.

Because I will be working one on one with these wonderful families I have to close the enrollment as of today. I know that is a few days early but you have exceeded my expectations! I want to be able to give each family the care they deserve and have time to receive and utilize their feedback.

For those of you that weren’t able to get into the pilot project keep reading my blog to receive daily help in more effectively implementing The Spark Station in your home. Keep watch for The Spark Station Mastery Course to be available on-line in the Spring of 2011.

Warmly,
Mary Ann

Possibly Related Posts:


{ 0 comments }