Make Room For What Matters Most – Relationships

by Mary Ann on April 23, 2015

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Recently on a mature dating site commercial, a giddy woman said, “It’s just like being back in high school.” YIKES!

You know what, I liked high school.  It turned out okay. I went to prom, dated some cute guys and had fun. In my year book I am listed as “The most typical girl”. But, I wouldn’t want to go back!

When I got married I was happy. Our children were born; we loved them and learned a lot of things. Some times were great and some were hard, but all in all, it evened out and we had fun. I was happy. But, I wouldn’t go back!

SAMSUNGThere isn’t a single point in my past life that I would willingly return to.You know why?

Because, today I am a better person. I know more. I have learned to value now what I couldn’t value when I was younger. This is just the natural course of life, with experience comes wisdom.

My relationships are valued more than just about anything else.

When I am making a big decision I ask myself, “How will this affect my ability to nurture my current relationships?” I recently asked that question as I considered some important life choices, and I ultimately made different decisions than I might otherwise have made.

I think one of the pivotal moments in my life was when I was sixteen. I was in the play OUR TOWN by Thorton Wilder. I played Emily Gibbs, a young woman on the threshold of a wonderful life. And then life was gone for her. We meet her in the spirit world and my how desperately she wants to go back. Those who are older and wiser advise her not to. But back she goes, to the happiest day of her life, her twelfth birthday.

It is painful because she realizes that those she loves best can’t “see” one another because they are so busy living life; IMAG1026doing all the things that they think matter so much…laundry, cooking, education, church duties, work, making money, changing the world.

That is the great perk of aging. I think we get some perspective on what really matters. That’s why grandparents can be so great. That’s why they have so much fun with grandchildren. It isn’t really because we don’t have to discipline or manage them, it’s because we truly want a relationship with them. We like them. We “see” them.

Make Room For Relationships

Maybe it’s because the sand is running out of our hour glass faster and faster. We become aware that we don’t have all the time in the world. We just have now, today. That is all. That is all we have ever had, just today. We can fill it with “busy” or we can simplify and make room for relationship. It’s a choice and you can make that choice.

SAMSUNGSimplify your calendar. Simplify your activities. Stay home more. Read as a family more. Turn off all the electronics and play a game. Fold laundry together. Eat together. Talk and listen. Laugh more. Let stress go.

What could you let go of a little more today in order to give more room to the things that matter most?

One day you will be older. You kids will be older. You won’t care how clean your house was, how spectacular the yard, if you home schooled or public schooled. You won’t value the amount of money you made, how often you went to Disneyland, if your kids got a new bike every year or what college they got in to. You won’t care if they were carpenters or lawyers. You won’t care if you impacted thousands of people. What you will think about more than anything else is the condition of your relationships. That, my friends, is what you are going to treasure most. Take time now to make them sweet.

Really, I would like to hear your answer to the question posed above: What could you let go of a little more today in order to give more room to the things that matter most? You can use the comment box. : )

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Experiments for Improving Family Relationships

by Mary Ann on April 17, 2015

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I have been mentoring a mom who has four children. I have known this woman for a few years and she is a great mom and a wonderful person. Recently we were talking about her relationship with her 17 year old daughter.

My friend has answered some thoughtful questions about “how” she is, when she is with her daughter. She realizes that she is often too critical and that their conversations are usually about chores and school work even though her daughter has things she wants to share. The seventeen year old wants to talk with her mom but she doesn’t seem to know when the time is right. She chooses to share when her mom is working, getting ready to go somewhere or is helping another child. They would like to spend more time together but they are both often tired and on edge. To avoid blow ups they sometimes avoid each other.

Experimenting With Making A Change

When I am mentoring someone I often ask them to pick one or two things that they would most like to see changed in the relationship with someone that matters to them. Then I ask them to come up with an experiment to see what might happen in making a change to the relationship.

I love experiments because they are just that, experiments. They are designed for the purpose of seeing if you can get a certain result by doing something new or different. Sometimes the experiment is successful and sometimes it isn’t. When you don’t get the desired result you just design a new experiment. No failure here.

asian_mother_and_daughter_talking-happySo this mom came up with an experiment to increase the time she and her daughter spend talking and to decrease the time they feel tired and at odds with one another.

Now I want you to remember that this girl is 17, almost 18 years old. I work mostly with children from infancy to 12 or 13. Nevertheless, the mom tried using a connection technique that I teach all the time. For one week she was going to give her daughter as many random touches as she could remember. A random touch looks like this:

• As you walk past the child you reach out and touch them in a friendly way, while smiling. No conversation necessary.
• If you see a child sitting on the couch, a bed or any place like that, you plop down by them, lean back and rest for 10 to 30 seconds. Then you squeeze a knee, or pat a shoulder and then, go on your way. No conversation necessary.

The Result of the Experiment

Here is what came out of the experiment. The relationship feels a lot better. They spend more time together even when tired. Mom is more aware. The daughter has been talking and mom has been listening more. She said that just looking at the relationship and asking questions about it has helped her to be more conscientious about the fact that the relationship is more important than the management part of parenting that she is used to. She also said she feels more purposeful in the relationship. She is more keenly aware of what she wants it to look and feel like.

She and her daughter have four weeks left of life as they have known it. Then her daughter will graduate and move into a new phase in her life. She is going away to work for the summer. She and her mom have decided to go to lunch once a week for the final four weeks. They are really looking forward to it.

In a family, relationship trumps just about everything else. How we see people matters. Our stories about them and their behavior impacts how we, as adults, treat them. It doesn’t take much to “shift” a relationship into calmer and more peaceful waters. I like to remember that it isn’t the big things that make relationships firm and comfortable. It is the small and simple things we do on a consistent basis.

Questions To Ask About Your Relationship With Your Child

Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself about the relationship you have with each of your children:

• What is the primary conversation you have with the child? What are you talking about?
• What is the energy/mood between the two of you most of the time?
• What assets does the child bring to the relationship?
• Are there behaviors that block the relationship?
• What are you tolerating in the relationship? A toleration is anything that is draining your energy.

Now design an experiment to try something new. Just remember that it is an experiment. You don’t know how it will come out and that is OK. If you don’t get the result you want design a new experiment. Like any good scientist you will eventually find what works!

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Best Apps For Homeschool – Guest Post

by Mary Ann on April 9, 2015

technology in the famil

 

Rachel Hodges is  currently finishing her Master’s degree in early childhood education and part of her final project involves raising awareness around the topic of technology in the classroom and tracking her impact. We are going to participate and help her out. I will let her explain.

“As an education major, I was always interested in the latest developments in teaching. Now, I’m finally putting my curiosity to good use.

I’m currently in the process of finishing my Master’s degree in early childhood education. Part of my final project involves raising awareness around the topic of technology in the classroom and tracking my impact. Admittedly, before I started my research, I only considered the aspects of technology that were beneficial for children in a classroom setting—how it can be used to subsidize one-on-one education from teachers. With things like educational games and online lessons, technology helps children in overcrowded schools to receive a more personalized experience, tailored to their learning style.

But since I’ve started my research, I’ve learned that technology isn’t just an important aspect of education for children in overpopulated classrooms. It’s also important for homeschooled children.

Here are just a few apps I’ve come across during my research that have made a significant impact for homeschool families.

Homeschool Helper App

child's learning appThe Homeschool Helper App is consistently rated as one of the best apps for homeschooling moms, earning it a spot on Homeschool Academy list of “The Top 10 Best Apps to Keep Your Homeschool Routine Organized.” Compatible with all mobile and tablet devices, Homeschool Helper serves as a hub for all of your homeschooling needs. Its features include a grade calculator, book lists, and lesson management. You can track progress for an unlimited number of students while creating report cards and student summaries. It allows parents to focus more on teaching, because the app takes care of the rest.

Evernote

With Evernote, your lesson plans go with you wherever you are. You can make weekly itineraries, create next year’slogotentips-7 curriculum, and track grades. Merge notes and reports for organized bookkeeping, and retrieve them at any time for reference, from anywhere. Ed Snap Shots contributor, Mystie Winckler, also said they’re perfect for saving ideas and articles you come across online.

“Using the web clipper, the email-to-Evernote function, or the ability to save pdfs to Evernote, I have saved articles, product reviews, and other online ideas into a notebook for homeschool resources and inspiration.” Winckler wrote. With this app, you can forget the paper, and never forget your work.

Monkey MathSchool Sunshine

site.portfolio.sunshine-930x375Monkey MathSchool Sunshine was created by THUP Games, the same developers that create educational and fun games for big-name clients like Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon.

With Monkey MathSchool Sunshine, children ages 3 to 6 can enhance their mathematics skills using nine different interactive games, each of which can be adjusted to the skill level of the current player. Because of its ability to seamlessly combine education and entertainment, the app was named by Verizon Wireless as one of the “5 Best Educational and Learning Apps for Toddlers” on this list.

I still have a lot to learn when it comes to the incorporation of technology and homeschooling, but I’m sure of one thing—no matter where a student is learning, the educational benefits of technology are universal. Check out a few of these apps for yourself and see how they can help your homeschooling plan.

This guest post was written by Rachel Hodges. In addition to finishing up her Master’s program in early childhood education, Rachel enjoys writing about technology in the classroom. In her free time, she writes short stories and binges on Netflix. She would love to hear what you think about the apps. : ) Leave her a comment.

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Make it Special – Chores and Family Work

by Mary Ann on April 2, 2015

Mary emptying garbage

Mary emptying garbage

Can Chores Ever Be Fun?

 

I love the principle  “Make it Special” because it adds more joy to the ordinary and mundane things in life.  It works at bedtime, family night, family dates, vacations, bath time, having a meaningful conversation with a spouse, in many ways. If you want your family to buy into a system, activities or even chores, then make it special.

Jack folding dish towels.

Jack folding dish towels.

Can cleaning ever be fun? That is a question I answered for myself while creating the Rockin’ Spark Station Learning Packet on spring cleaning.

I ask the question here because, in last week’s article, I addressed the issue of keeping the Spark Station special. I said that this week, I would show you that you can even make chores special, so that everyone wants to do them.

Making things special is a principle. When something is special, meaning it doesn’t happen every day, or when the every day is managed in an extraordinary way, people want to be involved. This works with the Spark Station. It works with family activities, and yes, even chores.

When we want something done in our family the small effort to make it special can go a long way to getting family members to “buy in”. When people feel ownership for something, a system, an activity, etc. they tend to give more of themselves to it. And as a parent, when it comes to getting kids to help with chores, that can be very valuable.

Let’s face it, most of life is mundane. So if we can add some fun and build some enthusiasm, then it’s a win-win. Our kids have fun, and we get a bit more of what we want, in this case, chores done.

Six Ways to Make Chores Seem Like Family FUN!

  1. Plan to have snacks and drinks on hand. Play some up-tempo music to keep everyone’s energy level up.
  1. Let everyone in on the fun. Preschoolers enjoy helping with cleanup, and can easily dust lampshades, books,
    Benny copying the "bigs".

    Benny copying the “bigs”.

    and tabletops, or line up CDs. Let an older child help a younger child for more difficult tasks.

  1. What about those messy dresser drawers? Give children badges marked Clothes Drawer Inspector. Have the children sort all the clothes looking for anything too small, out of season or in poor shape or torn. Have ice cream on the way to donate anything you aren’t keeping. (You will see this ice cream reward being used more than once. I LOVE ice cream)
  1. Do your bookshelves need a good dusting? Give everyone a shelf and a time limit. Now race to see who can remove the books, dust the shelves and put the books back on the shelf within the time limit. Whoever makes it gets a cool summer activity page. (I did this game with my grandchildren. I had a pile of about 60 activity sheets of all kinds printed free from the internet. They loved it and couldn’t wait to choose one. We did a number of jobs with the timer, and they got a page after each job. They kept them in a colored file until we were done working and then they were free to work on their sheets. Can you imagine that on a non-school day a work sheet can be used as a reward!!)
  1. Make a “to-do” list that’s clever and inspiring. Try a tongue-in-cheek menu of spring-cleaning tasks, and let
    Maggie doing her family work.

    Maggie doing her family work.

    your child decide which jobs to tackle by ordering from it. Put the list on your refrigerator.

For example: Surf and Turf: Clean the garage, organize sports equipment, hose off boogie boards and surfboards, inflate basketballs and beach balls, and rake the lawn.

Hot Tamales: Clean the stovetop, dust the radiators and empty the crumbs from the toaster.

High Tea: Banish cobwebs from the ceilings, replace burned out light bulbs, and dust the chandeliers.   http://www.scholastic.com/resources/article/clever-cleaning-games

  1. If there is a lot of laundry to fold hide a prize in a sock and see who finds it. You can also do this with a room by hiding a prize in a hard to clean spot. These can be inexpensive items from the dollar store or even small amounts of money. You can also use coupons for a trip to the park, etc.
  1. What about those everyday chores that each person is assigned to do? As a family, determine how much time you think it will take everyone to get their assigned chore done, 30 minutes, an hour. Now set the timer and play “Beat the Clock”. If someone finishes early, they can help someone else. They will want to do this because you have designed a reward for the family if they can “Beat the Clock”. Maybe it is their favorite pie for dessert, maybe a trip to get ice cream, or a family movie, a walk to the park or a drive to see grandma. You won’t be doing this every day but what if you tried it once a week. It would make working fun.

What do you do to make chores and family work special at your house. We would love to hear!

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