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How to deal with a child’s temper tantrum – Gentle parenting

by Mary Ann on July 20, 2011

Jack, age three

The little boy, 3 years old was out of control, a temper tantrum of sorts. I didn’t know what he wanted but I could tell that he felt desperate to have whatever it was. His mother was using a calm voice, talking to him, holding him gently while he twisted and screamed, then leading him away. I could tell that many of the on-looking adults felt upset with the mother. Why wasn’t she doing anything about this terrible tantrum? Why didn’t she just spank him or do something to make him stop!

That little boy was my grandson and his mother, my daughter. We were at a family reunion and this wasn’t his first outburst. He is three, that difficult age when a child attempts to learn how to control his impulses, learn to be patient, and learn to wait. It is tough. I know some adults who haven’t mastered these skills yet.

Jack is a very happy boy and learning all the time

I would look across the campground and there he would be wailing about something that he needed right now, while other adults were making judgments in their minds about his parents and what they were or in this case, weren’t doing that they ought to be doing. I could tell that this silent judgment was wearing for my daughter.

Later she told me that it had taken great effort to stay centered, to stay true to the parenting vision that she and her husband have put into place in their home. What looked like doing nothing to the on-lookers was a clear plan of action for this mom.
Her goal is to help her son control himself. She does that by modeling the behavior that she wants him to emulate. She stays calm. She is gentle but firm. If he can’t get control she removes him to a quiet place and then holds him while he gets control. It isn’t easy. It would be easier to spank him, handle him roughly or yell.

I read a beautiful article yesterday about gentle parenting, about following your instincts and staying centered in parenting the way you feel is right rather than being swayed by the judgment of others. I loved a term that the mother used in describing what happens to a child, in her home, who is having a temper tantrum – she pulls them into her lap for a ‘time-in’ cuddle and chat. It helps them to settle or just be redirected. That is what my daughter does.

Parenting can be a daunting job especially when we choose to go against the grain, so to speak. It takes courage and fortitude to follow what we have decided is right. This is true of our choice of education, the foods we serve, the medical modalities we choose, as well as discipline. Having a clear vision of the outcome that we want will go a long way to helping us stay true to our family decisions on matters of real importance.

The Palmer's, Maggie, Jodie, Jack and Mary in front

If you are struggling because you haven’t really got a plan or haven’t really decided what out come you want, then it will be helpful to create a family mission statement. Here are some examples of family mission statements and personal mission statements to help guide you as you navigate the sometimes tricky waters of parenting.
If you feel the need for more help in writing a family vision statement The Leadership Education Family Builder program can be very helpful.

If you need help in making more comfortable discipline decisions check out Nicholeen Pecks “Teaching Self Government”.

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Family Reunion simple easy crafts for kids – The Traveling Closet

by Mary Ann on July 18, 2011

Family reunions are wonderful. We about 10 dogs this year!!!

Reunions can be wonderful, emotionally draining, enlightening, fun, tiring and the list goes on. Being with a large group of people that you have a sometimes love/hate relationship with can bring out a lot of emotions.

I come from a large and close knit family that is anything but perfect. We have many traits that are magnificent and others that could use work. We have a reunion every year, same time, same place. There are as many as 130 of us who attend. When I got home on Sunday afternoon I went to bed and slept until 8:00 this morning.

The children's auction doesn't raise much money but is a blast and a highlight of our reunion

Here is what I noticed at this year’s reunion.

All of us aging members seem to have changed a lot – for the better. (If we don’t count thighs!)
We still have a large group of younger people coming and new families. Yeaaaaa.
The lake was high, there was no beach and it was gross!!!
I got tired faster. I will have to exercise more. : )
I like working with the children still!!!
I am glad that I went.

Here is the enlightening part of the reunion - learning what everyone else is doing to move forward

I was in charge of the family fun crafts (the 2nd year). So the Traveling Closet for today is a run down of what we did at our family reunion and how it went, and the simple easy crafts we had for kids.

Last year was a mess!!

I didn’t want to close the center down but I didn’t want to be up there all day
I asked the parents to go when their children were there
They didn’t, so it was unattended often
Kids need adults around
It took a lot of energy and time to clean up each evening
Lots of items were left in the center and got thrown away because children forgot to come and get them (we plan for 30+ children)

Reagan making a bird house her own way

This year was tremendous!!

The center was closed Thursday (set up day), open 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon on Friday and open 2 hours Saturday evening, after the lake
It was manned by adults all the time
It was a breeze to clean up
It was fun and all the children took their items to their cabins and tents, no throw aways this year

Holding that darn paper still so Maggie can color

I had chosen the family fun crafts based on low cost, simple materials, ease of creation for a wide age range

and that wouldn’t need too much adult direction.

Popsicle stick Door hanger and trinket box

List of Simple and easy family reunion crafts we did:

We made name plates for bedroom doors and a trinket box out of Popsicle sticks, painted bird houses and other wooden items I had gotten from Lowe’s, made nature journals and simple cardboard flower presses, foam visors, God’s eyes, and there were loads of pictures to color, mazes to do and puzzles to solve, as well as a family reunion game which was a choice of three nature treasure hunts to go on.

Here are a few stories about the experience. One little girl when making her trinket box used over half a bottle of glue. Her dad had come up to help out but got very involved in making a project of his own. In fact after all the children were gone he was still working. He spent about 3 hours on his project!

Anyway, he commented on her use of so much glue. I said, “That’s alright. The wax paper will peel off and the glue was cheap.” He gave me a quizical look and then just let her create. (I buy my glue, makers, scissors, paper, tape, etc during back to school specials so I don’t need to bug kids about the cost or how they use the materials.)

dad daughter making popsicle stick crafts

Daryl and Aurora creating - notice Aurora's glue : )

She put both a bottom and a top on her box. I mentioned to her that she might want her lid separate but she said “No”. Later she had me ad a hanger so she could hang her box on the wall. And that is how it went. I gave simple directions for each project, had a visual sample there, and then they did their own thing unhindered by my or anyone else’s expectations.

Aurora's "hang on the wall" trinket box

One three year old wanted his name plate to be a really long one. So he glued two sticks end to end before adding the cross pieces. I wondered if it would hold and it did. Good going Hayden.

Another six year old made his name plate like a house with a door. The door had hinges (two foam pre-sticky “o’s”.) Amazing! Nice job Jacob.

popsicle stick door hanger craft picture

The "house" door hanger - notice cool hinge!

I noticed that the older the child the more they copied the sample, the younger the child the greater the desire to experiment and improvise. Hmmmm, that says something!!

Jocelyn, Kai, Mary Ann, Maggie, Makaya, Dawnlyn, Aurora

Here is what the parents do while we are doing projects and crafts in the lodge! Someone mentioned to me this year what a great babysitter I am!!

Amber, mother of 4 taking a much needed rest

Why mom's at reunions need a rest!! Mary discovering the joy of ladder climbing. (Ladder used to hang the zip line!)

But it isn’t just rest that goes on. Here is a mom of six studying her pre-algebra in the quiet moments.

Tammy getting her own education. Remember, you not them!

Bryceon came to give me a hug when they were ready to drive out on Sunday. He said, “My girls said they really love the craft lady”. That is because I let them create, don’t bug them to do it “the right” way, listen, converse and like being with them!!!

Laura teaching Makaya to make a God's Eye

Next year Laura is taking over for me. She really picked my brain before we left the site. I think she will do a fabulous job. Here are some tips that will help her and anyone who is going to work with children.

Tips for working with children:

Prepare ahead. Know what you are doing and have all the materials ready.
Let kids do it it their way unless it is unsafe.
Don’t worry about wasted materials. It really doesn’t matter. They are little and they don’t waste that much.
Look for simple materials and don’t spend a lot of money.
Get some other adult support. The kids don’t need it, you do!! : )
Have fun!!!

Jacob working on his nature journal

Door hanger craft for kids – http://crafts.kaboose.com/craft-stick-door-hanger.html

How to make a Trinket Box – http://crafts.kaboose.com/craft-stick-jewelry-box.html

How to press flowers:

To make cardboard Flower Press – Cut two rectangles of corrugated cardboard. Add layers of newsprint or other absorbent paper and place these in the press. Choose leaves and flowers that are not too thick. Place between two sheets of the absorbent paper. When you have all the leaves and flowers that you want put the other piece of corrugated cardboard on top and secure the whole stack together with 4-5 rubber bands. Give it about a week to press and dry. Use your flowers to tape into a nature journal and then label or make a wonderful craft using your dried items. You will find many suggestion on the web.

Makaya's flower press

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Using the Library more Effectively and efficiently

by Mary Ann on July 12, 2011

My book basket runneth over!!

“Do you need a bag or maybe a box?” There is a big smile on the librarians face. “That’s a lot of books, you opening a school?” “Sorta” I respond. (I have learned to take a basket!)

I use the library extensively. I only want to go every three weeks or so. So I always want to use the library effectively and efficiently in that trip. When I go I spend about an hour. In that time I gather enough materials for at least three weeks of the Traveling Closet and other kid activities that I do. Sometimes if I can carry them, I make room for four weeks.

Just as an illustration of how it works for me let me walk you through the last two visits that I made to our county library. This will help you see how I use the library effectively and find books in library.

When I walk in I head straight for the kiosk by the children’s area. I peruse all the books that they have set out. They usually follow a theme or two and are a wonderful source of inspiration for me.

Lots of my inspiration comes right from here

Week A:

I had already decided that I would introduce the children to dragons and then fairies. (Children learn about dragons, Children learn about fairies). There was nothing on the kiosk of interest this day and so my next stop was the information desk. I have to confess that I rarely find books for myself in the library. We have some wonderful librarians who are willing to help me out and so I let them.

Good librarians know their stuff! and are willing to help you

First question: “Can you help me locate some good books about dragons for preschool age and children?”

They use their computer to do a search and then help me pull the books from the shelf. This is also very helpful because invariably they will say something like, “you know authors name writes some wonderful books about dragons or there is a book that I really like called title of book. These women spend all day with books and they know their stuff.

Second question: “Will you help me find some books for the same age groups on fairies?”

They repeat the search, help me pull some books and then show me an area in the stacks with lots of options. I thank them and tell them I will look myself and if I need more help I will call them.

Third question: “Do you know what videos you might have available on dragons and fairies in the library?”

Another search. We find one good one on dragons. There are a couple on fairies at other libraries. Since I don’t need them for a couple of weeks we order them.

Sometimes while the librarian is searching or looking for specific books I just read titles in the kids section. Occasionally I will find a stray book they didn’t think of and it also leads me to new topics. That is what happened on this trip.

I like looking at the books just looking for an inspiration

I saw a cute book called Wiggle by Doreen Cronin. That got me thinking and I wondered if I could find other books about what our bodies can do. I showed the book to the librarian and sure enough she knew an author who had written a number of books like Wiggle and she also thought of two books by other authors that were really good. I found a couple just by searching the stacks.

I am headed home ready for three weeks of fun!

Week B of using the library effectively:

When I went to the library this week I had nothing in mind for the upcoming weeks. No sparks, no inspiration. So I headed for the kiosk. It had books of fairy tales and fables from all over the world. BINGO. I will read my grandchildren the stories and help them find the country on the map.

I took those that would work best for preschoolers. I got a paper and pencil from the librarian and wrote down the titles, authors and country of origin for all the rest. These will be stored in my Inspirational file under Fairy Tales and Fables for use in a few years when the children are older and I want to repeat the topic.

Week one is DONE!!!

Next I went to the adult stacks. On the stacks are sign saying things like Animals, gardening, and so forth. Hmmmm, what looks interesting today?

Searching the stacks yields lots of fruit

I looked first in the section under animals. In our library there are children’s picture books, chapter books and adult books in the stacks together. Very convenient!

I saw a book called A Kid’s Best Friend by Maya Ajmera. Dogs would be a perfect summer topic as the children I work with have two of them. Right there I found five books on how to care for your dog, different kinds of dogs, making friends with dogs, and dog facts. Very Cool.
Kids learn about Dogs

Week 2 DONE!!!

As I finished putting the last dog book in my basket it occurred to me that it might be fun to talk about gardening since we have a garden together at the community garden. We go there often to water and we three families (myself and two daughters) planted it together.

I found a book about how pumpkins grow, Ureka! We have planted pumpkins. There was a book about how apples grow and how they are harvested. I found a wonderful book on gardening projects for kids. What does a garden look like in each season and what is happening under the ground? I found a book to tell us. And finally a book called Fantastic Farm Machines. We can talk about what happens in very BIG gardens and how their gardening tools are really different than ours. My 3 year old grandson is going to LOVE this.

Week 3 DONE!!!

Fantastic Farm Machines

And that is how I do it. I go every 3-4 weeks and I carry as many books home as I can. I decide in what order to introduce the topics. I read the books and that gives me ideas for projects and crafts to supplement the reading. (Then I google!) I think about ways to introduce math, spelling, writing, science and so forth. I write all my ideas down.

Then the week before I begin I decide what to put into the Spark Station each day or every couple of days.

Then I make the Spark Station available in the correct way to create anticipation. Some weeks go better than others. Some topics are more fun than others. Sometimes we learn more than at other times. But we always have fun being together!

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Kids learn what we can do with our body – The Traveling Closet

by Mary Ann on July 11, 2011

Summer is for being outdoors

It is summer!!!! In summer we want to be outdoors. In summer we want to move, big movements. In summer we want to feel the breeze. In summer we want to use our bodies!

The latest Traveling Closet was all about what we can do with our bodies. There were no projects or crafts, just pure outdoor fun and moving around.

I found some great books on using our bodies, all the things that our bodies can do. Books are some of my grandchildren’s favorite things so we began by reading each book. These wonderful books are great “act it out” books. After I read a page we would copy what we had just read; for example “Wiggle the end where your tail would be.” It was a lot of fun!

Tip: If you have an older child have them help you out. One of you reads a page and the other helps the younger children do whatever movement is required.

The first book they chose was a book about being able to eat. I had popped some corn and while we ate the corn we read the other books.

I have to mention that when I got to the children’s home Jack, who is 3, was striding around with a very grim look on his face. He wouldn’t hug or speak. His dad informed me that today he was Hopper from the movie “It’s a Bugs Life”. Hmmm, that explains the look, the no hug and the no speaking!

Hopper the grouchy grasshopper

I should also mention that Hopper is not a fun or happy being to be around. He doesn’t sit and read books! He doesn’t sit on grandma’s lap. He hovers around the fringes with an angry face pretending total disinterest while not missing a thing! Oh yes, when he eats he grabs handfuls of pop corn which he shoves into his mouth creating quite a mess! We should have read this book outside! : )

Hopper is not nice and he is not neat!

When I decided to choose this subject I worried about Maggie who is five and has severe Cerebral Palsy. What she can do for herself and by herself is very limited. Yet, she has a body and she likes to use it so I went ahead.

When we were reading the book about jumping I held her under her arms and said bend your knees. Down her knees would go. “OK, straighten your legs” and with some effort up would come her knees. Just as she finished straightening I would lift her up and down while saying JUMP! She laughed and laughed. It was so fun.

After we had read all the books and had done all the actions we headed off to the park. It was quite a caravan. This grandma has those arm wings we all dread but trust me underneath is some serious muscle!!!

Our "see what our bodies can do" caravan

“What am I using to push this train?” “Your hands, grandma, your hands.”

“What makes the train go?” “Your feet, your feet.”

We smelled some smells with our noses on the way to the park. We felt some leaves and flowers and sticker bushes with our hands.

Then we fed the ducks. We used our hands to throw them the rest of our pop corn. Did you know that ducks swim with their webbed feet?

A stick is a magical tool we can use with our hands

We took off our shoes and wadded in the streams that flow through our park. Our toes could feel the pebbles. The water was cold and we loved it.

Toes like to feel pebbles underneath

Cold water is stimulating!

We swung on the swings and talked about using our legs to “pump” and keep ourselves going. That will take some practice.

Use those legs to pump! Maggie understands the concept

A well deserved break!

We stopped by the community garden where we have a beautiful plot and did some watering using our hands. All these little things helped them learn what we can do with our hands and feet, or mouth, noses and other body parts.

Then the long walk home, squinting our eyes in the sun.

We ended the day with the book Sleep, Little One Sleep by Marion Dane Bauer. Our bodies and eyes were very ready for a rest.

kid playing in water under bridge picture

Dark and scary places are always interesting!

BOOKS about our bodies:

Wiggle by Doreen Cronin and Scott Menchin

Jump! by Scott M. Fischer

I have to apologize! I had about 6-7 books that we used. I regrettably took them back to the library without writing them down first. I searched for them on the web but could only find these two. So sorry. However, your librarian can help you out.

I did not have access to the books below but I thought they looked wonderful and maybe your library will have them.

The Skipping Book (Lets Get Moving) by Oril Zuravicky

The Wiggle & Giggle Book: 365 Fun, Physical Activities for Your Toddler and Preschool by Trish Kuffner and Megan McGinnis