A Summer of PRESENCE Is Here!

by Mary Ann on June 14, 2016

HAVE MORE POINTS OF CONNECTION THIS SUMMER AND FEWER POINTS OF CONTENTION!

Summer is a wonderful time for families. There is so much to do, so much fun to be had. But it can also be stressful for the very same reasons.

The summer months are an important time to implement strategies to stay Present as a family, to utilize touchpoints and minimize points of contention.

  • Are you open to being more connected as a family this summer?
  • Are you ready to maximize relationship building with your kids?

If so, I invite you to join me for a night of virtual training on how to use what already happens in your family daily to solidify your family relationships, feel better as a parent and to add more enjoyment to your summer days.

YOU’LL COME AWAY WITH…

*Two skills which will enhance your ability to tune into your children and genuinely connect every day, multiple times a day.

*An increased understanding of four touchpoints that happen in your home daily and how utilizing these touchpoints can increase your ability to be Present with your children no matter how busy the summer gets.

BONUS: A PDF copy of three chapters from the upcoming book: Becoming a Present Parent: Maximizing Presence in Five Minutes or Less

  • Chapter Three: Master Important Skills – This will give you all you need to know and to begin practicing all six basic skills which will increase your ability to connect with your children more consistently.
  • Chapter Four: Utilize Touchpoints. This chapter will teach you about four additional Touchpoints which can ramp up your ability to be PRESENT all summer long.
  • Chapter 9- Adjust Your approach. What would happen if being Present with our children was our ultimate goal rather than ticking things off our list?

Let’s take chores for example. Part of our job is to keep our home clean, as well as teaching our children to be     responsible. So we assign duties. One of the most common chores for kids is cleaning their bedroom. So there’s the weekly ritual of saying to children, “Go clean your room.” We spend the next few hours cajoling and possibly yelling in an effort to get our kids to behave in a responsible way and also get the room cleaned. We’re deeply into home and family management.

The bedrooms do need to be cleaned – your children do need to clean them – but are you invested in having a Present relationship with your kids, rather than just getting the room cleaned? How can we get chores done – the management part – and keep being Present as the end goal?

When you participate in the webinar you  get an entire chapter that answers that question beautifully. It will be life changing and family changing. It will rock your world.

JOIN ME FROM YOUR HOME FOR
A SUMMER OF PRESENCE

When: Thursday, June 30th
6pm-8pm MST

ONLY $39
(Couples attend for the same price)

JOIN NOW

 

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One of the chapters in my upcoming book is about the stories we tell ourselves and how those stories affect our relationships with our kids.

You’ve all heard this old saying or something like it, “What you say is what you get.” It’s true.

frustrated-parentIf you say “My kids are driving me nuts,” they’ll drive you nuts. If you say “I can’t stand my kids today,” or “My kids are so sloppy, messy, noisy, naughty, etc.,” that’s what you’ll get. It’s what you perceive is happening, regardless of what’s actually going on. This will influence your response and your ability to be Present.

The negative stories you tell yourself over and over again impact how you feel about your children and your ability to be Present with them. Negative thoughts hinder you from achieving things you want. Positive thoughts do the opposite.

Saying, “My kids are so messy,” or “My son doesn’t respect me,” generates low energy. This low energy attracts the very thing which is distressing us. If our words are, “I love being with my kids,” “My daughter is sure helpful today,” or “I’m having a peaceful day,” we generate high energy which attracts what we want to have happen.

Think of all the phrases we say and hear over and over again about kids:

• You’re driving me crazy.
• You’re so messy.
• You’re so noisy.
• I can’t get a minute’s peace.
• Why can’t you listen to me? You never listen!
• You’re so irresponsible.
• I don’t know what I’m going to do with you!
• You make me so mad.
• You’re so sloppy, disobedient, messy, argumentative, quarrelsome, etc.
• You’re wearing me out.
• I can’t listen one more minute.

happy-birthday-mom-21If we want better outcomes, we need to watch our words. Say what you want, not what you don’t want. Words are your thoughts/stories put into concrete form. Words generate emotions. You’ll feel the way you speak. How you feel moves you to an action which gives you a result, either good or bad. Your words move you closer to or away from the ability to be Present.

Take responsibility for your thoughts, the stories and emotions they create, and your responses. Stop blaming. Take responsibility for your words, which are your stories in concrete form.

You’re in control of the stories you tell; stories about yourself, your family, your children and the world, the past, the present and the future. Knowing this gives you ALL the power.

REMEMBER the summer Zing I mentioned was coming? Well, it’s here. On June 30th at 7pm MST I will be hosting a webinar for mom’s and dad’s who want to be PRESENT this summer in fun and easy ways. Ways that occur every day all ready. No pre-planning. No extra time or fuss.  Check it out here. I hope you’ll join me.

Happy Summer,
Mary Ann

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Touchpoints For Summer PRESENCE

by Mary Ann on June 7, 2016

As much as we love summer and our kids both can challenge our patience and our energy. The upcoming book – Becoming a Present Parent: Maximizing Presence in Five Minutes or Less teaches you how to use touchpoints to connect with your kids. Let me share one touchpoint that will really sweeten the summer pie!

Maggie doing her family work.

Maggie doing her family work.

TOUCHPOINT 4 – Chores and Family Work

Thinking about the word WORK can make a parent groan inside because work is often a point of contention in a family. But work can be a place where we create a touchpoint rather than a point of contention if building relationships is our ultimate goal.

CHORES

Often we get so involved in the management portion of family life that it’s difficult to address the relationship portion. We’ll cover this topic in depth in chapter 9. For now, know that when we’re Present things work out better.

Everyone wants support when facing a tough job. No one wants to be isolated in a mess. We sometimes forget our kids feel the same way we do.

Moms have had the experience of walking into a disaster of a kitchen after a long day. Your family’s watching TV, and here you are, in this messy kitchen. Where do you start?

How does it feel when your husband abandons his show, comes in and begins helping you pick up? And how does it feel when he also asks you how your day went? It’s amazing!

This happens to dads in garages and backyards. How does it feel when your seventeen-year-old volunteers to help get the backyard in order? How about when your thirteen-year-old offers to spend time helping you organize the garage? It feels better doesn’t it?

When a child is faced with what seems like a daunting task, check on them. Put your hand on their back or rub a shoulder and say, “Let me give you a hand.” Help them for 2-3 minutes while having a mini-conversation. Then head off to the next child or to your own work. It makes all the difference in how chores feel and in how well they get done. It solidifies relationships. It allows you to be Present with your child for a few minutes. Chores can be a touchpoint!

FAMILY WORK

Family work is another time when you can create a touchpoint rather than a point of contention. When working as a family we need to keep in mind the objective isn’t just to get another item off the to-do list – we’re creating relationships and bonding our family.

I love gardening alone. I love the quiet and feeling the dirt in my fingers. But I understand it’s an opportunity for me to teach and connect with my grandchildren. Gardening can be transformed into an enduring memory for us all when I remember the garden isn’t what’s important, the relationship is.

Add fun to any work you do as a family – sing, dance as you clean, play great music, tell jokes, laugh, have mini-conversations and lots of random touches.

Things aren’t going to work out all of the time. You’ll have family work that turns into chaos or contention. We’re all imperfect, we get tired, and we have grouchy moments. It’s inevitable. But what if you could make family work more pleasant even one-quarter of the time?

If you can be Present as you work together even one-quarter of the time, your family members will feel supported and relationships will be built. You’ll experience GREAT results in the happiness level of your family.

Happy Summer,
Mary Ann

PS At the end of June I will be offering a webinar on using multiple touchpoints this summer to bond your family, have less points of contention and increase the fun. Watch for it!

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Benny and meAs you know I have been writing a new book – Becoming a Present Parent: Maximizing Presence in Five Minutes or Less. I started in August 2015 and finished in January 2016. Since then I have been learning the dance of being an independent author. Whew, it has required a lot of dance lessons!!

However, the book is in the formatting and cover design stage and it is going to actually make it to press this summer. Woohoo. I will breathe a sigh of relief for sure.

While we wait for the books release I thought I would share a bit of the content with you.

ACTIVE LISTENING

When we’re Present, we listen to connect with the speaker and to understand how they feel about what they’re saying. It’s active and engaged and seeks to hear the words and, more importantly, to hear the heart.

Because this type of listening doesn’t come naturally, I’ve had to develop steps to make it happen more often. They may be helpful to you also.

A. STOP what you’re doing. Turn away from any technology, book or project. If you truly can’t stop, tell your child you can see this is important to them and you want to hear what they have to say. Set a specific time when you’ll be free and keep it. Saying “we’ll talk about it later” is not specific and sends the message you’re not available to them, that whatever else you’re doing is more interesting or more important. If at all possible STOP and listen now!

B. Make eye contact with your child. I remember reading that an infant can tell the difference between a face which is in order and one with the features jumbled.

From my experience, I know babies are interested their parent’s faces. They look at their parent’s faces constantly and reach out to touch them. Infants want us to look back at them. As we grow older, desire for eye contact with the people in our lives that matter to us remains.

Eye contact is looking directly into your child’s eyes and not looking away at other things or looking down. When we look at our children as we listen to them, it sends a powerful message that we care, that we hear them, that they matter.

C. Respond to what your child is feeling, not only what they’re saying. When you’re Present you’ll respond to feelings more quickly and more accurately. This helps your child feel heard. You can say things like, “Boy – how maddening!” or “You didn’t like that did you?” or “How did you feel?” This helps your child know that you view their feelings as valid and important.

D. Listen with patience and interest. Whatever you’re feeling, your child will know! They’re like energy magnets. If your energy is inwardly impatient, they’ll know. If you’re dying to get back to your stuff, they’ll feel it. If you’re bored out of your mind, it’s coming across loud and clear. It may all be on a subconscious level, but they know. Hold thoughts in your mind which will help you maintain interest and patience.

For example, you can think, “I sure love this kid. They’re so interesting, funny, kind, thoughtful,” whatever. Hold thoughts which allow you to embrace fully the moment you’re sharing with your child.

Avoid interrupting. Ask only those questions which help clarify. Your job at this moment is not to teach, reprimand or to fix. It’s to listen.

Being present with your child is an end in itself. It isn’t about resolution, teaching, making progress, none of that. It’s about connection, pure and simple. You can always teach later. Right now, be Present!

During a day, there are dozens of opportunities to stop and listen. We can’t actively listen in all of them. But if we can increase those times we do, it will have a big impact on our relationships.

Remember, being Present is a gift we give another person without thought of return. It means giving full attention, our whole self, nothing left on the table.

I do have something special in the works to add a bit of zing to your summer and to help you get a head start on Becoming a Present Parent. Watch for it. : )

Happy Summer,
Mary Ann

PS I do have something special in the works to add a bit of zing to your summer and to help you get a head start on Becoming a Present Parent. Watch for it. : )

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