Living a Happier Life with Less Emotional Weight

by Mary Ann on February 27, 2014

You can live a happier life.

You can live a happier life.

What does your bathroom have to do with living a happier life?

I LOVE to clean. I know, I know, that makes me a super nerd. But it’s true, I do love to clean. And frankly I am really good at it. I can see things other people don’t see. I am efficient and I know how to do the job in far less time than most.

But right now I have a really messy bathroom. For over three months (yes, three months!) I have been telling myself I have to get that bathroom clean. Now it isn’t that I mind cleaning bathrooms. I don’t have a squeamish bone in my body and I like cleaning the bathroom. The problem is that it is a room no one sees. In my apartment the whole rest of the house, except the bedroom, is just one big room. So when I set out to clean my home I begin with the whole house, which remember, is one big room. Then I do the bedroom because it opens into the living room and the door is always open and people can see in. Then it’s the bathrooms turn. The problem is that for at least the last three months I have run out of energy or time before I even get to the bathroom. So there it sits waiting for me to get to it.

I am telling you that bathroom has been a BIG emotional weight to carry. And this is what we all do in different areas of our lives. We take care of the parts of our lives that others can see, keep putting off what can’t be seen and then carry the emotional weight. Crazy, because it doesn’t have to be this way and it keeps us from living a happier life.

Let me share a secret with you that anyone who is really good at cleaning knows. You don’t have to clean the whole room for it to appear, feel and actually be cleaner. You don’t have to clean the whole room in order to lift the emotional weight.

Let’s take that really disgustingly dirty bathroom that is hidden in the back side of my house. When I took my shower last night I thought again, “man you really need to get this bathroom clean!” I sat on the toilet and observed the piles of hair in all the corners, the grunge on the sink, the stain around the toilet. I know this is a really gross conversation but there is a point.

Then I stepped into the shower and I noticed that the bottom fourth of the shower curtain was grey-orange. You know exactly what I emotional weightam talking about. You may think it is age, body oil or soap scum. Here is what it is, bacteria. Yup those little guys that grow in moist, warm places. I have been watching this colony grow, as I said, for a few months and every time I take a shower I say to myself, “you have got to clean this bathroom!” Then I remember all the things I have to do, what it is going to take to get it done and the slight sense of overwhelm descends and I pick up that emotional weight I mentioned.

Well not last night. Last night I did what I know perfectly well works but I had just not done. I took a step, one step and it was enough to allow me to lay down that emotional weight and go to bed feeling pretty happy with myself. I stepped out of the shower dripping wet, grabbed the bleach cleaner which sits behind the toilet and I sprayed the heck out of the bottom fourth of my shower curtain.

This is what I knew I would find this morning, a perfectly white, clean shower curtain. The colony was gone! I just picked one small thing in my bathroom and I took care of it. I stopped waiting until I had time to clean the whole BIG mess. I just picked one thing that I knew would make a difference and I did it.

One Key to a Happier Life – Let Go of Emotional Weight

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Take care of the BIG issues one step at a time

This is a key to taking care of all the Big issues in life. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about our relationships, our money problems, our need for more education, the need to learn to care for ourselves, getting control of our thoughts and emotions, overcoming an addiction…it doesn’t matter. The process works. You have to choose something and then do it. It doesn’t have to be the biggest thing in your messy room, just something that will make a difference, help you feel better and give you hope that yes, in time, you will have the whole room clean.

It is easy to leave the back rooms of our lives in a mess because no one sees them and we can more easily hide the mess but you will always carry a huge emotional weight until you decide to begin working on the mess.

So think about what in your life is causing you to feel overwhelmed, less than, out of control and choose just one small thing that you can do to make a difference in how you feel. One small thing that will give you hope that you can clean this mess.

Look, my whole bathroom really needs to be cleaned but I feel pretty proud of that shower curtain and it is going to carry me through the day!

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Special Needs – The Other End of the Stick

by Mary Ann on February 15, 2014

 

The Joyous Maggie Palmer

The Joyous Maggie Palmer

We Sherpa’s and Special Needs

 

I have had a major shift in my life as far as how I spend my time. I began going to grade school with my grandaughter Maggie, the first of January. I am her aide three days a week so that she can go to school. Maggie is non-verbal, doesn’t walk, has to be fed and changed, and has minimal control of her hands and arms. But she is so bright. So I go to school with her to help her brilliance shine. I hold her hand while she writes. I put math on a white board so she can write an answer. I move her from one place to another so she can participate in all that goes on in school. I show the other children how they can talk to Maggie and be her friend. I show adults how to interact and how to be absolutely amazed at her remarkable spirit. I advocate for her. It has been such a pleasure and a gift to me.

It has been also been challenging. Getting up every day and having to be somewhere by 9am is a new expereince for this seasoned entrepreneur. Coming home sometime after 4pm is also new. It can be a challenge moving a seven year old from place to place, lifting, holding and carrying. I am tired! Sometimes I think I can’t stand to explain to one more person why she can’t talk or walk, or do all that we take for granted, on her own.

But then I recall the words of a wise woman, Maggie’s mother, and I smile and help one more person understand how to be a friend to the most joyous person I know, Maggie Palmer. We can all be We Sherpa’s. Based on our own challenges and the Mount Everest we have climbed we can reach out and carry someone’s heavy load. May we all be We Sherpa’s.

What is a We Sherpa and how does it apply to Special Needs

Hi. I’m Maggie’s mom. Maggie is 7 and has severe cerebral palsy. Last year I had a first hurt. I found a picture on Facebook of all Maggie’s friends at a birthday party she hadn’t been invited to. Cry!As parents with special needs kids we come to these new layers of grieving over and over again, don’t we?Sometimes the depth of my grief over what seems to be a pebble in “the road of life with a special needs child” surprises me. How could stepping on such a little thing hurt so badly? I shake my head in wonder as the tears flow.Just the other day one of Maggie’s little next-door friends said to me, in her frustration of not being able to play with Maggie in ways that she wanted to, “I wish Maggie didn’t have cerebral palsy.” Her comment sucked the air out of my lungs, and I was speechless. What should I think about this, about her? I didn’t know.We’ve always homeschooled Maggie. Next week she’ll be going to public school for the first time in her life. In fact, she’ll go to a school that has never had a child with her sort of disability. I’m expecting that we’ll be stepping on lots of those painful little pebbles at this section of our journey. Maybe there will be some rocks I crack my shins against, or a boulder that crushes me.For this reason I’ve been considering this strange land we all have to tread when the “typical” and the “special” intersect.There was a time when I was one of “them” and lived in the “typical world”—when I didn’t have a special needs child, when I didn’t even know any special needs people. If I crossed the path of someone different I stared, I stumbled, I felt unsure and didn’t know what the heck to do with him. Should I ask what was wrong with him? Should I talk to her, or should I talk to her caregiver? Should I just pretend that I didn’t notice anything different? What would be the wrong thing to say? What if I couldn’t understand what he said back to me? Might they hurt me? Might I hurt them? Could I catch what they had? I felt afraid, I felt awkward, I felt stupid.

I have a lot of compassion for “them.”

sherpa

We Serpa’s carry the heaviest load

As we prepare to enter this place of intersection in earnest, I’ve come to the conclusion that Maggie and I are going to be We Sherpa’s. What’s a We Sherpa, you ask?

A Sherpa has come to be known as someone who guides another along a challenging journey. A Sherpa takes upon themselves the heaviest burdens of the expedition. A Sherpa understands their traveling companion may be inexperienced, awkward, and fearful as they walk through territory that is not their native country, and they are patient with that.

The “We” part of the equation is a conscious decision about how we are going to walk in this world. A world of only “us” (those who get it) and “them,” (those who don’t) is really only a world of ME. The “We” means we’re going to leave the path of ME, and walk the path of WE.

When it comes to people’s insensitivities, or ignorance about our special kids, here’s why choosing to be a We Sherpa matters so much.

If we want inclusion and compassion for our children, we have to be willing to pick up the other end of that stick.

When someone speaks insensitively or ignorantly, when they stare, when they don’t include, or worse, exclude, the We Sherpa simply sees them as a traveler who needs a guide to help them walk this uncharted territory. The We Sherpa bears the larger burden of reaching out, of inviting, of educating, of creating opportunity, of giving the benefit of the doubt, and of forgiving. The We Sherpa puts an arm around their shoulder and invites them onto the path. They may decline. And, for those who accept there will be the inevitable stepping on toes as we learn to walk together. We Sherpa’s accept that.

Seth Godin said it best. “The easiest thing is to react. The second easiest is to respond. But the hardest thing is to initiate.”

I’ll keep having these painful “firsts.” And, I’m learning to own my own grief. But, I’m going to choose to walk a path of WE.

When someone clumsily stumbles into us with insensitivity or ignorance, Maggie and I are going to scoot over, invite them to walk with us, and help them over the rocky places of fear, awkwardness, and unfamiliarity.

It’s true. We’re better, together.

By the way, if you’d like to see our latest effort to We Sherpa, check out Maggie’s introductory video on YouTube by searching “My New Friend Maggie.”

Blessings to all of us who tread this challenging path. May your grief be comforted, and the rocky way smoothed.

Love,
TheJoyfulPalmers”
The Seven Paths: Changing One’s Way of Walking in the World | ANASAZI Marketplace
www.anasazi.org

 

Please leave a comment and if you know someone with a special needs child please share this with them.

jodie best closeup

Jodie is the mother of four children, ages 1, 3, 5, and 7. Her oldest daughter, Maggie, has severe cerebral palsy. Although her energies are focused on the busy season of raising a young family, she is also a writer, teacher, mentor and coach. She has spent many years helping parents create their own unique vision, master plan and custom made systems for the education of their family. She is also the past president of the Midwives College of Utah and currently serves as a member of their board of directors. Jodie’s secret wish is to ride cross-country on a motorcycle in black leather pants.

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The Winner is….

by Mary Ann on February 2, 2014

The winner of the F*R*E*E book give away is the very fortunate Tina Huntsman. Way to go Tina.

 

While I have your attention I just want to share some pictures that will let you know why I feel that I must be the winner of the Best Grandmother Ever contest. LOL

SSPX00241

Next time jets with less gel!! LOL

bath collage 2

 

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F* R* E* E* Book Give-away

by Mary Ann on January 27, 2014

 

12weeks_FRONT_Small

One of the perks of  working with families and moving out of my comfort zone has been meeting some wonderful new people. I have attended many classes and they are always filled with those who really want to make a difference in their families andin the world. One of those people is Jennifer Jones Smith.

I want to tell you about her new, soon-to-be-released book, 12 Weeks to Greater Peace, Joy and Love in your Family and let you in on how you can get your F * R * E* E* copy by participating in this Give-away.

About the Book:

12 Weeks to Greater Peace, Joy and Love is a guidebook that will help you in your desire to transform challenging relationships into loving ones in your family.

I appreciated that the topics most dear to my heart are all here, including gratitude, my number one way to get an overwhelmed life back on track. I loved the information on self talk and the chapter on pride is a winner!

Jennifer’s book is filled with moving stories, motivating quotes and poems that make a point, so it is a very interesting read.

Jennifer does a masterful job of including timely advice, with chapters on “The War at Home” and “Who’s Breaking In and Stealing”. She doesn’t skirt the issues of addiction and bad habits, but addresses them head-on. She speaks to the issues families face today.

With over twenty-seven years’ experience in marriage, parenting and child development, Jennifer also offers simple, yet profound wisdom on these essential topics:

  • Empower yourself with greater self-love, self-compassion and confidence.
    (Remember peace on earth and in the family begins with “me.”)
  • Infuse love, joy and respect into your marriage and family relationships.
  • Increase harmony among your children and success with chores and homework.
  • Transform the feeling in your home by building unity with an uplifting environment.

Personally, I loved the weekly assignments so I can practice thinking and living in new and better ways. I also loved the idea of being able to take up to four surveys while reading the book and practicing change, just to help me stay on tack and see how I am doing.

If you think owning your own copy of 12 Weeks to Greater Peace, Joy and Love  would benefit you and your family, then

 

ENTER THIS GIVE-AWAY !

 

The winner will be drawn out of a hat (really I will use a hat!) on February 1, 2014 and will be notified by email. Winner must respond by February 7, 2014 to claim the book, and be sure to include a mailing address!

To enter the give-away (US residents only), please do these THREE things:

1)  The way I will know you entered is when you leave your name and email on my website home-school-coach.com under the “Contact” tab. In the message box put the words “Enter Contest.”

2)     Please make a comment in the comment section below, stating one of your biggest challenges as a parent or member of your family and what you have done (or need to know) to meet the challenge.

3)  Get sneak peeks about this book, download 4 Empower Your Family surveys, learn about the $160 in bonuses available on launch day, and be the first to know when “12 Weeks to Greater Peace, Joy & Love in Your Family” is available by visiting here and leave your name and email in the box (in the body of the main text) that says YES! Send Me the Surveys…

As always, it is my hope that you WILL experience more peace, joy, love and connection in your family.

P.S. One of the bonuses will be an incredible Telesummit featuring 6 experts addressing issues and challenges that families are facing.

Some of the topics for the Whole Heart Family Telesummit are:

*Teaching Children Self-Government through Positive Guidance

*Life is a Journey – Gratitude and Forgiveness

*Healing Yourself & Your Family

*Being an Epic Lover to Your Spouse

*Marriage on Purpose: 4 Keys to Success

*Porn Addiction: There is Hope

The Telesummit experts will share valuable tips, stories and gifts to empower your family with greater peace, joy and love.

It’s IMPORTANT and required to go to this link after purchasing your book on Amazon to claim your bonuses on February 5th, 2014.

http://myheartfelthealing.com/bonus

 

 

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