A Master Inspire Plan Part 1

by Mary Ann on July 5, 2010

My friend, Diann

I’d like to share an experience that Diann Jeppson had with one of her daughters. One day, while driving home together they saw a flock of pigeons diving and wheeling in the sky. Her daughter was so taken with the sight that they stopped and watched the flight of the birds. It was as if someone was shaking confetti in the sky.

Her daughter decided that she would really like to know more about those birds and so they made the effort to find out where in their neighborhood those birds lived. They were successful

Beautiful Jenna

in their quest and spent a good deal of time talking with the owner of the pigeons. They learned all about the birds and Jenna decided that she wanted to raise some herself. (Raising birds was not on Diann’s Master Inspire Plan, by the way)

So Diann and Jenna went home and promptly began gathering materials to build a pigeon coop. They gathered some wood that had been left over from other projects, got some nails and a hammer. Then they went to work building a frame for their coop. When Diann’s husband came home he asked them what they were doing. When the answer was given he put his hand on one of the corner posts, gave a slight push and the whole structure swayed to one side. “This will blow down in the first wind storm”, he told them. He then asked to see their plan for the coop. Of course they didn’t have one.

Jena’s pigeon coop

So he took them into the house and they sat together and came up with a plan, on paper, as to how to build a sturdy and lasting coop. Then they made a trip to the local hardware store for the materials they would need. That coop stood for many years and Jenna had a wonderful time raising her pigeons.

Queen Mom and Kate

I was a good mom. I cooked meals and we ate around the table. We had prayer in our home, read scriptures, shared religious experience, had sports and fun activities together and we read. I camped, went to kids activities and had solid family traditions. I was a good cook and my children had opportunities to cook and sew, wash clothes and clean house. However, there wasn’t a plan and I have since found holes in their learning.

Traditions Matter

One time I was traveling with my sister and her three children. When we stopped at a gas station her nine year old got out and pumped the gas. I was flabbergasted! I would have never thought of such a thing. I or my husband always pumped the gas. It was an adult activity, right? When I asked her about it she told me that pumping gas was something that she wanted her children to know how to do before they had their own cars. She wanted them to learn the cost of gas, how fast it was used up and the work that went into obtaining enough money to keep a car running.

I was always sewing. I made clothes for all my children for many years. I guess I just thought that they would get it themselves by osmosis. Some of them took basic sewing in school. Most of my children didn’t learn to sew well, so on each visit home they bring me shirts and dresses and slacks that need to be hemmed or repaired in some way. In their late twenties and thirties I have to teach them how to do these simple tasks. Real planning on my part would have helped resolve this situation earlier. The creation of a Master Inspire Plan will truly help you teach your children better and more effectively and it will really facilitate your Spark Station success.

A Master Inspire Plan is like the plans Jenna needed for her pigeon coop. It is the plan that would have helped me stop up the holes in my children’s learning.

A Master Inspire Plan is different than a Family Mission statement but equally important. Most of us just fly by the seat of our pants when parenting. We have our own core values that we want to give to our children but rarely do we think through the knowledge, skills and experiences that we want them to have by the time they become adults. As a parent who has sent a goodly number of children into the world I can tell you that there are times when I say to myself, “Gee, I wish I had taught them that” or “I wish I had made sure that they really knew how to do that”.

The Master Inspire Plan comes from a fabulous series called The Leadership Education Family Builder, created by Diann Jeppson and Jodie Palmer.  The Master Inspire Plan is really one part of a whole system designed to help 1) parents identify the specific knowledge, skills, and experiences they would hope their children get before they leave their home, and 2) integrate these things into the general learning environment of their family in a way that honors the concept of Inspire not Require.  That’s why it’s called a Master INSPIRE Plan, not a master plan.

From the Leadership Education Family Builder, “As a planning tool, your Master Inspire Plan is not designed to ensure that all your children must or will do and learn everything contained in it. Its purpose is to assist you in considering the areas you wish to focus on as you engage in the work of inspiring and responding to your children. Your Master Inspire Plan is a road map to travel with through the grand adventure of educating your family . . . .”

I want to take the next few blogs and highlight the Master Inspire Plan because it will take you to the next level in the success of your Spark Station. I will begin taking you through a process of thinking about what activities  you would like them to have, places you would like them to see, skills you would like them to master, and books you hope they read before they leave your home. We will be covering nine specific areas. You may identify things in all nine areas, or not. You may even come up with additional areas of focus.

Your assignment tonight is to just begin dreaming about what your hopes would be for your children before they leave your home.

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Trust The Process And Yourself

by Mary Ann on July 1, 2010

Kimberly Robinson

On occasion I receive an article from a friend or client that truly moves my heart. That happened today and I want to share some of it with you.

I have said many times in my blogs that for children the process is what counts not the product. I absolutely believe that to be true and today, in this beautiful article on motherhood by Kimberli Pelo Robison, that was again confirmed for me.

Marie and Dan

“I wondered how many times I would need to be told that the little things I am doing are the most important things before I really believed it…Do we really need reminding that mothering is so vital… I think we do. Somehow with the fast-paced, instant gratification mode of our lives we too often forget that the slow, steady work of mothering is the greatest work we could do.  Perhaps it is the extraordinary ordinariness of the work that leads us to believe that anyone could do it as well…

“It’s no wonder we struggle to find significance in these tasks when we have learned so perfectly that what has value and is rewarded is what gets done and a mother’s work is never done.  You see receiving rewards for work is how the world is run.  At school it is the finished work that gets the praise, the star, the ‘A.’ No one pats you on the back for the process; it is the product that gets the smiley face…Jobs for hire have the same kind of system.  You don’t get stars and grades, but if nothing else you get a paycheck.  You can hold in your hand the product of your work.  Your work is worth something. For twenty-seven years I lived this system of working, producing and receiving rewards.  Then I became a mother.

“It was hard for me to give up producing and receiving tangible rewards, for works in progress and rewards of the heart.  Motherhood is full of rewards; they are simply not the kind I was accustomed to.

“There are still times I panic and feel certain that I need to be producing something, having something to show for my work.  I start

Aubrey

setting goals and rampaging through the lives of my family trying to accomplish things.  My children, my constant barometers, quickly show me that they will have none of it and call me back to enjoying the process with them.

“It is loving the process of life that takes some relearning.  Children instinctively understand that process is more important than product.  The stacking of blocks is more important than the tower.  The smooshing and squooshing of finger paint on paper is more important than the painting.  The singing is more important than the song.

“Still, I struggle with this concept all the time.  I wish I knew that I was doing exactly the right things for my children.  Yet, that is not the nature of the job.  It is a work of patience and faith not only with our children, but with ourselves as well.”

I wish every mother and father would take that to heart, patience with the process. One of the things that gets parents off tack the fastest is when they don’t see results right away. If your child isn’t reading by eight you have failed somehow. After all the child down the street is a wonderful reader and is only six.

If you set up your Spark Station and a structured time for your family to work and learn together and only three days out of five go well you are failures.

If your child spends three hours making a fabulous clay model of a family camping trip, well there is just something wrong with that. They should be learning, doing something of value so that they can get a really good job.

Isn’t that is what is really always in the back of our minds; they need to be able to get a really good job. We want them to be grade A material because then we know we are good parents. We want them to read by a certain age because then we can stop worrying about how they stack up to the other kids in the neighborhood.

Wouldn’t it be so much better if we could just trust the process, trust our children, trust our family, and trust ourselves?

On page five of Leadership Education: The Phases we read this – “…children learn developmentally, moving through stages according to a unique individual time table…Also, each child approaches the same developmental task differently…”

“…many parents struggle with a lack of confidence, wondering if they can actually do it.”

So here is the conundrum we all face. Learning is an individual and unique process, shepherded by parents who lack confidence,

Ashley having “fun”

living in a world that must see a result NOW to give a reward. That is certainly a recipe for trouble.

But it doesn’t have to be. We need to find the way to believe in our children, that they can and will learn; that they were created to learn and grow. We need to trust ourselves that we can lead and inspire our children little by little over time and that they will become wonderful people. We need to walk away from the idea that every thing we or our children do has to have a perfect outcome to have been of value. The process is where we do our learning.

Ruth Hailstone, as quoted on page sixty one of Leadership Education: The Phases said, “Maybe one day in ten is perfect!” And from Oliver DeMille, “If you expect every day to fit a mold, you will be disappointed and frustrated. If you expect the process to work, you will be richly rewarded.”

Every day we do many tasks that bring no immediate reward. We love, we care, we counsel, we teach, we wipe noses, feed bellies, dress, hug, work and play with our children. We hope that in the end it will make a difference, that what we are doing will matter. I believe it will and as Kimberli said, “I, a mother in a

remote corner of this world, do a work of true significance.  I nurse a baby, play in the sun with my children, read them stories, hold them, hug them, sing lullabies, teach and train them.

“Like the work of nature, my work may also seem insignificant.  However, I am not working to produce something for today.  My work is to build something that will last beyond time.  I touch the soul of a child and that will make all the difference in the world.”

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The Five Rules of Engagement Apply to Everything!

by Mary Ann on June 29, 2010

Don and I a “few” years ago

A few days before our daughter’s wedding my husband came to talk with me about what it would be like to be “empty nesters” after thirty nine years of parenting. To tell the truth I had thought a bit about that myself. I had worried about it because there is a phenomenon that occurs to those married for a long time called “parallel lives”. It basically means that the two people, although they still love one another, develop two separate lives and they run alongside each other but rarely connect.

I was reminded about this phenomenon recently. There is an older couple in our church and she and I were visiting. My husband and I would like to go on a mission for our church and she and her husband have done that. So she was telling about their experience. She said that the most difficult thing that they had to adjust to was being together all day, every day, for two years. When I questioned her about that she mentioned their parallel lives. She did her thing and he did his and although they lived together they were living two different lives. YIKES!Consequently, as my youngest daughters wedding drew near, I began to think more and more about that. What I didn’t know was that my husband was also thinking about it and with good reason. Over the last few years we have each developed a business which takes us away from home and also puts us in front of the computer for significant periods of time. We had stopped fishing and camping together. We were really busy doing our own thing.

The big question was how to change the direction that we seemed to be heading. My husband had some good ideas. He wanted us to walk together each day in the evening and then read a book together at nine pm. That sounded really nice to me. So we determined to give it a go. A few days after our daughters wedding we started in.

We walked for a few evenings and read for a couple. Then there was a large gap in our consistency. We still let work interfere in our new plan. Now Don and I realize that this plan is more important than either of our businesses. We have been married for thirty nine years and we like each other a lot. We want to stay close and really have a life together. However, things haven’t gone as planned!!

I have been giving that a good deal of thought. Why is it that when we have something that we know matters a great deal we still let

Don and I in Trinidad, CA. Just the two of us!

things that don’t matter as much steal our time, resources and energy. I see it happen all the time with parents who I work with. They leave my class excited and anxious to go home and create magical learning experiences and spaces for their children. They have whole heartedly embraced the idea of inspire not require. Yet two weeks later many find themselves still in the thought stage, never having created anything. As I have said before as the time passes good intentions turn into apathy, apathy reverts to old habits, and old habits become guilt.

I could see that Don and I were heading right into that trap. I reviewed what I know about transitioning from a class or new knowledge into action towards change and I also realized that we hadn’t put theFive Rules of Engagement into effect. I know from experience that if we don’t we will not see the success that we want to see. So what are the Five Rules?

1.  Structure time and be consistent. Sometimes we want to believe that if it is important we don’t need to schedule it, we will do it because it is important. My experience has demonstrated that that just isn’t true. If we don’t set a time for it then other less important things can and will get in the way. Now Don and I had sort of decided that we would walk in the evening and then read at 9 but we hadn’t committed to that. We had not decided that that was sacred time and that we were going to honor it because we love each other and we want a different outcome than we might otherwise get.

We also weren’t being consistent. Even though we had set a time of sorts, we would let “just this once” happen, which of course would then become two days or more and so on.  When you are serious about using The Spark Station or having a family reading time, devotional, family night or activity night, weekly planning meeting, monthly fishing trip or yearly reunion, or whatever else you might come up with to create solidarity and a good feeling in your home, then you have to set a time, consider it almost sacred and then be consistent. Success really does hinge on this.

2.  Some times either Don or I wouldn’t really be present. I would be thinking about all that I needed to do or he would be wondering how his business was going. We weren’t focusing on each other and what we were doing together. The truth is it isn’t about whether we read or walk or any other activity. It is about being with each other fully, our whole mind and focus. I would rather have thirty minutes with Don when I know we are really communicating and enjoying one another’s company than two hours when either of us is mentally somewhere else.

I know that is true for children. Parents who really take this counsel to heart are always surprised by their children’s reactions. They are surprised to find that what is in The Spark Station can’t hold a candle to what is in a parents mind and heart. Our families want our time and our focus. They don’t want to be just another job to tick off our list or another encumbrance in an already busy day. So pick a time, be consistent and then stay present.

3.  Because Don and I walk only a few times a week and read for only a short time each day it is really special. If there is an open moment earlier we don’t plug these activities into that time. Anything that doesn’t happen whenever, but happens only at certain times, becomes special. You can think of many examples, holidays, a weekly date or a weekly trip to the library. It is great to have some activities and events that don’t happen all the time but only at certain times. That keeps them special.

Here is something else that I know from personal experience. Traditions, those events and activities which are like glue in a family, become traditions over time. We can’t implement something and expect it to become indispensible in a couple of months. As we persevere with a new activity or event it takes on that “we really want it in our family” quality, it becomes a tradition. So when Don and I have been walking and reading together for one, three or five years we won’t be able to imagine not doing it. It will become part of who we are, part of the fabric of our relationship.

When we are talking about The Spark Station or learning time in our families, evening reading, the monthly field trip, family prayer, or the evening meal, the principle is the same.  When you schedule time, are consistent and stay present these family activities become traditions, part of the fabric of your family. They can help bond and hold your family together.

4.  When Don and I decided to do these two new activities we had to also decide to take some activities out. Don usually works from 5-10 pm on his home based business. That took some rethinking on his part to determine how he could restructure his schedule. I usually work until whenever I decide to go to bed. I am a work-aholic of sorts. I had to make some mental adjustments to decide to “rest and relax” which are what reading and walking mean to me.

When ever you add an activity to your schedule you need to look at taking something else out. Keep it simple. Most of us are too busy as it is. If we just squeeze things together so we can force one more “good thing” into our schedule we most likely will find it difficult, if not impossible, to stay consistent, to not let it drop by the way side.

When I teach about The Spark Station I remind parents that no one can or will engage well in a mess or chaos. If our Spark Station is too full to find anything or to put things back children will avoid it. That is also true of our family schedules. If we are so busy running from one “good thing” to another then everyone feels stressed, tired, and eventually we quit doing the things that matter most. So if you put something in, take something else out.

5.  The last of the Five Rules will really help Don and I, weekly planning. There are always things that come up in life. Don and I need to coordinate our schedules each week. We need to know what might conflict with what we really want to do, read and walk. Then we can decide if that conflict is really something that must interfere or something that can be dropped or rescheduled. If we don’t plan we will always defer to what seems the most immediate in importance.

 

This is true with all family activities and traditions. You have to plan ahead and know what is coming. In terms of The Spark Station you have to know ahead of time what it is that you want to inspire your children with and how you can best do that. If you wait until your set family learning time to plan it is just not going to happen and then your Spark Station becomes stagnant and unexciting.

Planning doesn’t have to take huge amounts of time. Planning is best with a spouse if you can. I joke with my clients that their weekly planning can be the first thirty minutes after they go to bed on Thursday night. Just know that to have success in any long term endeavor you are going to have to plan.

Now that I have reminded myself of what will help Don and I be more successful in crafting the next few years of our lives alone I am excited. I can visualize quiet evenings, warm conversations, stimulating new thoughts and hands held. I look forward to this new time, this “empty nest” time and being with the person I love best. I know that as we keep the Five Rules, have real intent to succeed and are consistent in our efforts we will succeed. You can too in whatever you want to implement in your family. You can do this!!

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Making Changes After Training

by Mary Ann on June 28, 2010

 

 

I really enjoy reading articles written by Kerry Patterson. I wanted to share one tidbit that came from his newsletter, Kerrying On. It specifically relates to the challenge parents may experience in implementing change in their homes after they’ve been inspired by some workshop or training.

Here’s the specific question that Kerry was responding to in his newsletter.

“Everyone liked the ideas and wanted to do something new, but we haven’t been very good at transferring what we learned in training to how we behave at work. Some of us have tried a few of the skills; others haven’t done much at all. What can we do to kick-start our interest and actually change how we behave at work?”

It’s happened to me and I bet it’s happened to you—feeling inspired and motivated by a fabulous class, only to get home and have life kick in again. There are dishes and meals and bills. The baby gets sick and the garden needs weeding. So many parents realize that they will have to implement what they learned next week, or as soon as they get the closet cleaned out or the toys sorted or the wedding over…..

Recently I received an email from a mom I have worked with who’s experiencing the same challenge as Kerry’s questioner. She loves the idea of  The Spark Station but isn’t having the success she hoped for. She just can’t seem to put what she learned in my class into practice. She has found herself falling back into the old way of doing things and so isn’t having success. It is discouraging for her.

You may be experiencing the same malady. You like the idea of having a warm and close family culture. You love the idea that you can create an environment that will stimulate educational engagement and actually help your kids LOVE learning. However, the days turn into weeks and then into months and as in the case of one of the families I worked with, years.

“We attended the first Core and Love of Learning seminar when the TJEd Ingredients were first given.  That is when we learned the concept of The Closet. We left the seminar excited and ready to implement a dozen new things in our home school.  Unfortunately everything didn’t go as planned.

Our biggest stumbling block was trying to decide what went in The Closet. . . I also didn’t have an actual closet that could be closed or locked and at the time my children were all under the age of 6.  We made a couple of tries (which amounted to about 2 days each) and let the idea kind of fall by the wayside with the hope that we would come back to it later. 4-5 years later, here we are and are ready to try again.” (The concept of the Closet was the precursor to the Spark Station which is more user friendly.)

As the time passes good intentions turn into apathy, apathy reverts to old habits, and old habits become guilt.

Let’s put down the guilt right now and pick up progress! I’m here to help, and you can do this!

I want to pass on six techniques that Kerry shared with his own readers to help support the changes you want to make.

By the way, the following six tools come from the book Influencer: How to Change Anything, which is a book worth putting on your reading list. I really enjoyed it and learned a great deal.

  1. Value links – When someone takes my class they may want to make changes because they want their children to love to learn. They want to stop pushing and getting into power struggles over when and what a child will learn. Many want to create a more peaceful, warm and inviting learning environment. Instead of just focusing on what you learn in a book or a training, think about the underlying values. As you link the behavior changes you want to the values you care about chances are better that you will make those changes. In other words, ask yourself the question, “Why am I choosing to engage in Leadership Education? What are the final outcomes that matter most to me?”
  2. Advanced learning – Most training gets you started on a new path but then you need to extend and broaden your understanding. Talk with other parents about what you heard. Then read. It is very valuable to read the classics on leadership education. You can find some of these classic works at http://www.tjedmarketplace.com/store/books
  3. Meet with your spouse or yourself – At the end of a training or book lay out a plan to implement what you learned. Decide what you can do and then begin. “Your class was wonderful! I loved it. In fact I used a “Spark Station” today for the first time in our home school. I have always been waiting for that perfect day in a perfect world, when I had the perfect Spark Station…which day was not coming anytime soon! After going to your class, I threw together some fun things in some clear Tupperware containers, and Voila! Our temporary Spark Station. How liberating! It was wonderful! We had a great school day together. Thank you so much! Elizabeth L.”
  4. Maintenance group – Find one or two people who have read the book or been through the training. Meet together monthly and talk about what is working and what might need help. Discuss common problems and work together to improve your ability to live new principles. You can really improve your skills by getting honest feedback in a safe environment.
  5. Rewards – Reward yourself and your family for living in a new way, behaving in a new way and doing something better. Go to the movie, take everyone out for ice cream or go camping, something that you and everyone will enjoy and look forward to.
  6. Reminders – When you meet with your spouse or yourself talk about what is working, what isn’t, and any corrections you are making. Review the values that matter to you and the principles you are working to implement. When you care about something you talk about it and you think about it.

If you use some of these suggestions in any combination, the chances that you will continue to practice and get better will increase. If you use four or more, then you will increase your ability to transfer the principles and skills that you learn to your home.

You can read Kerry’s original article at http://www.crucialskills.com/author/kpattersonvitalsmartscom/

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